The Day Middle-earth Stood Still
by Neko-chan -Silvered Tongue
Summary: Sean and Bryanna are transported to Middle-earth. (Literally giving meaning to the term: The sky is falling!) All Hell will break lose. Feel very, very, very, very sorry for the characters... (Read at your own RISK!!)
1. An Abrupt Landing

The Day Middle-earth Stood Still

By: Neko-chan

A/N: ....o.O.... First, I have NO idea how I came up with this. It's weird. That's all I have to say. Also....I wanted to warn you a head of time (if I didn't, I'd probably get sued....u.u;;) that Sean and Bryanna's personalities are....what's the word I'm looking for?....enhanced. (Sano: What she means is: EXAGGERATED...) Yeah, that's it. *grin grin* Anyway brave reader, read on and see how much insanity (not to mention weirdness...) you can withstand! *cues the evil laughter*

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Sean owns himself and I own myself. And that's that. ;P

  
  


Chapter One

It was a regular day in Sci Fi class. The fifteen students (minus two, but we'll get to that in a bit) were watching Back to the Future while Mr. Wagner graded their stories. (Instead of turning in regular papers, Mr. Wagner made them write short stories, which wasn't a problem for some of the students). But, in the front off in a corner of the room, a long-argued 'discussion' was taking place.

"ELVES!" the tall red-head hissed, glaring darkly at the boy seated behind her with storm cloud gray eyes .

"DWARVES!" the boy hissed back. He was shorter than the girl, but not by much. His brown hair was a curly mop on the top of his head and his blue-green eyes glared back at the girl. In one word, Sean was 'Hobbitish.' Bryanna thought that he DID look like a Hobbit...but also like a Franciscan monk. This was also one of the many arguments that the duo had had.

"ELVES!"

"DWARVES!"

"ELVES!"

"DWARVES!"

Their 'discussion' was ended abruptly when Mr. Wagner looked up from his papers with a pained expression on his face. "Sean, Bryanna....please, could you keep it down...just a little? The class is enjoying the movie...if you want to argue, please either do it after school or go outside and argue," he said, gesturing towards the door, then returning his attention to the stories.

Bryanna turned around in her desk and spit out her tongue. Quickly grabbing a loose leaf piece of paper, she scribbled 'ELVES' in huge capital letters, taking up half of the page. Sean glared back and did the same to his own piece of paper, but instead of the word Elves, he wrote 'DWARVES' in even _bigger_ capital letters.

Bryanna sniffed and turned around, tapping her pen against the desk. Softly, but loud enough for Sean to hear, she murmured her favorite come back: "You're just jealous."

Sean blinked, then shrugged. He didn't know what he was supposed to be jealous of, but who knew what went on in the mind of a red-headed sixteen year old girl? Frankly, he was terrified to find out...especially since it was _Bryanna's_ mind. What if she had stood out in the sun too long and it had fried the few brain cells she had possessed?

"I heard that!" the girl growled.

"Heard what? I didn't say anything!" Sean retorted, sticking his tongue out at the girl.

"And I saw that, too!"

Sean blinked once again. Since when did Bryanna read minds and have eyes in the back of her head? He shook his head. Girls were strange. They should be qualified as an alternate species. How else could they read the minds of men and see what men did behind their backs? Too freaky for words....

Meanwhile, Bryanna was fiddling with her favorite bookmark, the one that her mother had searched for days for. It had a picture of Legolas about to shoot an arrow and attached to it was a replica of the One Ring. It even had the inscription on it! Her favorite thing to do during class was twist it around and around and try to put it on her finger. But it was always too small. That was about to change, however...

Bryanna yawned in boredom, her eyes becoming like cat's eyes, little slivers of gray shining through as she continued to watch Back to the Future. The red-head had watched it plenty of times before and it DID eventually get boring after a while... This was one of those times. 

Distractedly, she began to play with her bookmark's Ring, twining it around her fingers, as if she couldn't let go of it. It was a habitual gesture and she didn't notice it, not even when the Ring began to glow red and suddenly slipped onto her finger.

All she could do was give a little yelp as a green light began to surround her. Sean only had enough time to blink and reach out towards her. Then, he too was surrounded in light--but his light was a light brown, almost the color of his hair. There was a loud POP!...and then they were no more.

* * * 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Bryanna and Sean screamed as they fell through the air. They were very high up, and when they landed they were probably going to break several bones. (Maybe that was why Bryanna was trying to maneuver around Sean; she was trying to have him cushion her fall when they finally _did_ land. Smart girl. ^_^)

"BRYANNA......I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!" Sean screamed as the duo continued to plummet towards Earth...or would have been Earth if they were still IN Earth. 

"WHAT FOR?!" Bryanna screamed back, still trying to make sure that Sean landed under her. Hey, a girl had to have her priorities, and that just happened to be hers. It wasn't _her_ fault that Sean hadn't yet realized what she was doing. All's fair in love and war...or, in this case: All's fair in attempting to fly...and falling. (Which is what they were doing at that moment...)

Then, suddenly, Bryanna thought of an even BETTER come back!! "YOU CAN'T KILL ME IF WE'RE BOTH DEAD!" she yelled smugly.

"I'LL COME INTO THE AFTERLIFE AND HAUNT YOU THEN!"

"YOU CAN'T! GHOSTS CAN'T HAUNT GHOSTS! IT'S A COSMIC RULE!"

"LIKE YOU KNOW!"

"LIKE YOU DON'T!"

And, just like in any other fan fic, the argument was cut off by them landing...going straight _through_ the ceiling of the Great Hall at Rivendell and landing in its fountain with a HUGE Splash!

Bryanna and Sean sat up, Bryanna rubbing her head and groaning in pain. "This is all YOUR fault," she accused Sean, glaring at him.

Sean glared back. Water seeped from the both of them as they stood, helping each other out of the fountain. "How is it MY fault?" Sean asked, incredulous. Just like a girl, to blame her OWN doings on a guy... Sean grumbled to himself, but didn't say any of his complaints out loud. Knowing the red-head, she would probably twist his words and find a way to make EVERYTHING his fault. This knowledge came from experience.

So deep in his own thoughts that Sean didn't notice his surroundings until Bryanna clutched his arm tightly, digging her fingernails into his skin and leaving small half-moon wounds.

"Ow!" Sean exclaimed and tugged his arm out of her grasp. "Bry, you know you aren't allowed to use 'claws' in a fight!"

"Sean, shut up!" she hissed back, her eyes wide as she surveyed the room they had landed in. "Look! Just shut up and look, Hobbit-boy!"

Sean grumbled at the use of the term 'Hobbit-boy,' but did as Bryanna bid. And his blue-green eyes widened as he gazed at the many people staring at him. Most of them were Elves, and as he looked about him, he noticed someone (or should I say, SOMEONES) that Bryanna shouldn't be allowed near. But, by then, it was too late.

A loud squeal of happiness was heard (the Elves winced as their tender ears were viciously attacked by this sound of fangirl delight--later they would make this 'sound of glee' into a weapon against Sauron's armies, along with the GLOMP, the most _dreaded_ weapon known to Elf, Dwarf, Man, Orc, etc...-kind). Bryanna suddenly detached herself from Sean's arm and launched into the air, practically flying.

And landing right in a heap of Elven bodies....

Sean could distantly hear the exclamations of: "LEGGIE-CHAN!!" "GIL-CHAN!!" "GLORIE-CHAN!!" "EL-CHAN!!" From his two years of being Bryanna's friend, Sean knew that she had finally found her 'destiny'. (As Bryanna put it.) And the nonsense words that she was spouting were actually her nicknames for them. Leggie-chan was Legolas, Gil-chan was Gildor, Glorie-chan was Glorfindel, and El-chan was Elrond. Sean felt very, very, very, very, very, very, very sorry for the four Elves now that Bryanna had her mitts on them.

He continued his examination of the room; then suddenly, he, too, stilled. He yelled: "SAM! PIPPIN! MERRY! FRODO!" He had finally found his brethren! It was...a joyous day! Sean was so happy, he felt as if he could do an Irish jig! (Which he _might_ have been able to do, since both he and Bryanna were Irish...)

He paused, halfway to the Hobbits' table. What he then saw filled him with awe. "Gimli...." he murmured. Sean fell to his knees, genuflecting his 'god,' making a small sea form in the middle of the stone floor.

Gandalf watched all of this, a pitying look on his face. "Poor things," he said softly to Aragorn. "I wonder how long they've been insane?"


	2. Drunken Revels....

The Day Middle-earth Stood Still

By: Neko-chan

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own nothin'. *waves to 'Teddy Grams'* I'm glad you like it so far! *innocent grin* That may or may not last.... *goes off, whistling innocently*

  
  


Chapter Two

Bryanna paused in her glomping of 'her' Elves and looked up, staring at Gandalf in puzzlement. "Insane? Who, us?" she asked, pointing to her, then to Hobbit-boy. Sean didn't notice the conversation, due to the fact that he was still worshiping his 'god.' Bryanna scowled and crawled over her new 'pets.' "Yo, Seannykins-chan," she said and poked Sean in the side with a shoe. "Gandalf thinks that we're insane!"

Sean stopped his genuflecting for a moment. "Qua? Who, us?" he asked in puzzlement, staring at Gandalf with a confused expression on his face. "Why would he think that we're insane?"

Since Bryanna had her attention elsewhere, Gildor, Glorfindel, Legolas, and Elrond began to scoot away, being as quiet as they possibly could. Suddenly, Bryanna turned around and stared at them, fire in her gray eyes. "Where do you think you're going?" she scolded the Elves, hands on her hips.

Hobbit-boy looked at her 'pets' pityingly. "You should've known better," he told them softly. "You can't escape now that she has her claws dug into you. It's impossible. Besides, even if she has her back turned to you, she can still see you. She has eyes in the back of her head!"

Bryanna glared at Sean. "I do not!" she exclaimed.

"Do too," retorted Hobbit-boy. "It's a girl thing," he explained to his 'audience.'

Interrupting their fight before it could begin, Gandalf asked, "Well, if you two are not insane, what ARE you then?"

The red-head stared at Gandalf as if it were obvious. "We're teenagers," she told him matter-of-factly. Sean nodded, agreeing with her completely; her answer explained everything. After all, hadn't any of the others dealt with teenagers before? The duo would soon discover that no, none of Tolkien's characters HAD ever encountered teenagers before...or, at least, teenagers quite like Bryanna and Sean.

Gandalf still looked suspicious. "Are you _sure_ no physicians have diagnosed either of you with an illness of the mind?"

Bryanna once again looked puzzled. "No. Why would you think that?"

In the background, the group could hear someone mumble, "I wonder why..." Unfortunately, Bryanna had heard this and she whirled around, using her most dangerous weapon: The Dragon Glare. Even Sean, who was used to this particular weapon, cowered before its awesome might.

Bryanna was about to continue when, suddenly, Sean's stomach growled, rumbling throughout the Great Hall. The girl blinked and stared at Sean in amusement. "I guess you're more Hobbit than we originally thought, Hobbit-boy." Sean ignored this particular comment and edged closer to the tables, looking at the food with a glint in his eyes.

The four Hobbits noticed this and brought their (full) plates closer to their bodies.

For the first time, Elrond spoke: "Well...since you two are here, I guess you could be guests at our feast. Be seated and know that you are welcomed!" Hearing this, Bryanna gave another fangirl squeal (and once again, the Elves winced in pain) and wormed into her the middle of her harem, smiling brightly and latched onto Legolas and Glorfindel's arms. The two Elves sighed, but decided to put up with their fates. After all, what could they do? (Short of amputating their arms, of course...)

Sean went to his 'brethren' and looked at the food with a dangerous look in his eyes. Once again, the Hobbits brought their food even closer to their bodies, keeping an eye on Sean out of the corner of their eyes. Ignoring this, Hobbit-boy examined the food closer...and then he discovered the Dwarf ale. 

"Uh-oh....." was all Bryanna was able to say before Sean grabbed a tankard of ale and started to drink it rapidly. She winced and mumbled so softly that only the Elves surrounding her could hear: "I think that this is gonna be a problem...."

Ten Minutes and Five Ale Tankard Later...

Sean was dancing on the tables. Bryanna was averting her eyes. Everyone found this very amusing. Bryanna did not. The teenage red-head burrowed her face deeper into Legolas' shirt, her face burning scarlet, while the blonde Prince continued to stare at Sean with undisguised horror.

"This is my left foot, la di da di da; this is my right foot, la di da di da; I shall shout, with de-light; for I know my left foot from my right!" Sean sang, dancing around the top of the table (and somehow managing to miss all of the platters of food), waving each foot in time to the song.

"This is not happening, this is not happening, this is not happening, this is not happening, this is not happening," Bryanna mumbled over and over and over, mentally debating whether or not to hide under the tables. Soon, Pippin and Merry joined their 'brother,' also singing along.

The red-head whimpered and pulled her school softball sweatshirt's hood over her head, hoping that maybe _that_ would be able to hid her. It wouldn't.

"C'mon, Brrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyy," Sean said drunkenly. He wobbled a bit, almost falling off the table. But, Merry and Pippin managed to catch him in time. He smiled woozily and swayed. "C'mon, Brrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyy," he said again, "I know *hic* that you know a couple of Irish bar songs!"

Legolas looked surprised and stared down at the girl, who was slowly inching down in her seat, trying her hardest not to be seen. "You do?" he asked in shock. A hooded nod was his answer. The Prince then grinned and chuckled to himself. When one got over the shock of these 'teenagers,' they were actually very amusing!

As if she could read his thoughts (which Sean often claimed that she--and any other female--was able to), Bryanna swatted his leg and slumped deeper into her chair. And still, Sean continued his drunken revels, joined by Merry, Pippin, and now--one very drunk--Gimli.

This continued all night long, while the four got drunker and drunker and Bryanna got redder and redder and the other guests of the feast got more and more amused...

The last thing that Bryanna remembered, as she rocked herself back and forth under the table, was Sean singing, "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedle le de, there they are, just standing in a rooooow, dum dum dum, big ones, small ones, some as big as your head!"

* * *

Sean sat up groggily, finding himself in a bed. He rubbed his head and found that it hurt. He opened his eyes and found that THAT hurt as well. He fell back against the covers and slung an arm over his eyes. "Fwa....why do I feel do awful....?" he asked no one in particular.

"Because you got drunk," Bryanna replied from her chair by his bed.

Hobbit-boy whimpered and burrowed his head under a pile of pillows. "Could you yell a little softer?" came the plaintive request from under his nest.

Bryanna snorted and Sean winced. "I'm not yelling, Seannykins-chan. You are experiencing what is known as a 'hangover.' And that is that LAST time you are even going NEVER Dwarven ale, Hobbit-boy. Never again. _Never_ again." She shook her head rapidly and Sean peeked out from his pillows. Watching her made him dizzy and he retreated back into his sanctuary.

Continuing, the red-head said: "Now hurry up and get dressed. If you aren't dressed in five minutes or less, I'm leaving without you. And I don't care if you ARE hungover. You should've thought of that last night, when you first spotted the ale."

"Where're you goin'?" Sean asked.

Bryanna grinned evilly and made her way towards the door. "Oh, nowhere in particular....just the Council of Elrond..."

She skipped out the door and down the hallway, listening to the 'thud' as Sean hit the floor and started moving around the room at lightspeed. Just because she had...forgotten...to mention that the council wouldn't be starting for another several hours didn't mean a thing.

Bryanna smirked to herself and walked into the Great Hall, finding a seat near her 'harem' and smiling at the four Elves brightly. For some reason, they smiled back. Instantly, the girl sobered. They were up to something...she didn't know what, but she knew that they were... Gildor, Glorfindel, Elrond, and Legolas may be Elves, but they were still males! She shot a suspicious look at them and their smiles brightened further.

The girl was terrified by this and grabbed the arms of her chair and started to scoot away from them. Once she was a comfortable distance away, Bryanna started to pile different foods on her plate, still keeping an eye on her 'harem' out of the corner of her gray eyes.

She had just started nibbling on a piece of melon that she didn't recognize when Sean came running into the Great Hall, hopping and tugging a tennis shoe onto his foot. "Where is it?!" he asked frantically. "Where is it? I didn't miss it, did I?!"

"Miss what?" Bryanna asked innocently. "The Council of Elrond isn't supposed to start for several more hours, Seannykins-chan."

"WHAT?!" Sean yelled, tongues of flame arching from his eyes. Unknown to him, it also singed his mop of hair. Bryanna found this amusing and decided not to tell him....for now.

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP, BAKA!" she yelled at him, taking off one of her black Vans and throwing it at him. It hit him in the head. If Bryanna had done this any other person, they'd have complained. But not Sean. Hobbit-boy was just glad that it hadn't been either the Frying Pan of Doom or the Spork of Terror. Which made him wonder...had they come with her when they were sent into Middle-earth.

Once again interrupting their fight before it could begin, Gandalf said, "If you're talking about the council meeting, that actually took place an hour ago. You both missed it."

The two teenagers stared at him, fire coming forth from their eyes. "WHAT?!" the duo exclaimed. Bryanna took off her other shoe and threw it at him. Unfortunately, Gandalf was quicker than he looked and he ducked.

"Spunky old man," she mumbled under her breath. Suddenly, an idea came to her. She glared at her 'harem.' "None of you knew about this, did you?" she asked threateningly. The four Elves shook their heads mutely. Even being nearly-immortal beings, they DID have survival instincts, after all.

Continuing as if nothing had happened, Gandalf said: "And it has been decided that you both are going to come along with as, as members of the Fellowship of the Ring.

Bryanna paused, halfway between throwing an extremely gooey piece of fruit, while Sean hid beneath the table. He had seen Dragon Lady mad before, he _knew_ what would happen when someone got her furious. Thank whatever Middle-earthian gods that she wasn't furious--yet. Thinking along these lines, Hobbit-boy suddenly winced. What would happen when Bryanna finally met up with Saruman? He didn't want to know...

"We're coming along?" she asked cautiously, slowly lowering the bit of sticky food.

Unknown to the others, Gandalf breathed a sigh of relief. It would have taken _forever_ to have gotten that piece of fruit out of his beard! "Yes, you're really coming along with us," he answered. After all, Elrond had threatened him with death if he and the others didn't take the two 'teenagers' along with them! But, poor poor Legolas went green at the mention of the red-headed girl coming along.

Bryanna grinned brightly and jumped up, dancing around the table and hugging Sean tightly. "Did you hear that, Seannykins-chan?! We're going along!! WE'RE GOING ALONG!!" Hobbit-boy grinned also and linked hands with Bryanna, dancing along with her. Soon, the two of them were doing an Irish jig. But, all too soon, Bryanna stopped, frowning thoughtfully. "Hey, Sean.....I can't remember....do the Hobbits visit Tom Bombadil _before_ or _after_ they arrive in Rivendell?"

Sean blinked. "Before they arrive in Rivendell. Remember? Tom has to save them right after they leave the Old Forest!"

The red-headed girl stilled. "But....but...but that means that we don't get to met him!" she wailed, her legs giving out and falling to the stone covered ground. She sniffled pathetically, and looked imploring at Gimli, Boromir, Aragorn, the four Hobbits, Gandalf, and Legolas.

Gandalf quickly shook his head. "No. Oh, no. We are NOT going to the Old Forest. Nope. We aren't."

  
  


TBC...


	3. The Ridiculously Sized, Impossibly Sharp...

The Day Middle-earth Stood Still

By: Neko-chan

A/N: *pokes Teddy Grams* Hey, I just realized something when I went and reread the chappies. *sweatdrops* I didn't really exaggerate our personalities! I wonder what people would think when they realize that we really DO act like that! *evil grin* ;D

Disclaimer: I'm too lazy to write one now. See the previous chapters. -.-;;

  
  


Chapter Three

Bryanna continued to look at Gandalf, her "puppy-dog-eyes" on full force and her lower lip quivering slightly. Her gray eyes brightened, and the nine males thought that they saw the sparkle of tears. "But..." she began, her voice barely above a whisper.

Frodo, Pippin, Merry, and Sam were the first to cave in. "Aw, Gandalf," Frodo said, smiling softly at the cunning girl. "Why don't we stop by the Old Forest? It's not _that_ much of a detour. Besides, I bet the Ringwraiths wouldn't think to look for us in the Old Forest. The trees probably wouldn't even let them in!"

Gandalf sighed and stroked his beard thoughtfully. "I _guess_ we could travel to the Old Forest..." he began. At this, Bryanna crowed in triumph and jumped up, doing a quick Irish jig, then ran out of the Great Hall, her tears instantly forgotten.

The nine males, Sean, and the rest of the people in the Great Hall stared after her, blinking in amazement.

"Is she going to act like that all throughout the trip?" Aragorn asked. Sean could easily hear the terror in his voice--at least _he_ was realizing what Bryanna was...someone to be terrified of.

All was peaceful throughout Rivendell as Elrond and his guests finished their meal, each talking amiably to his or her neighbor. (Sean wasn't really talking. He was watching Gimli in awe and debating whether or not he should organize a New Age cult that worshiped Dwarves.) Suddenly, the peace was shattered by an unholy shriek. Sean whimpered in terror and started to edge towards the bottom of the table.

Just then, Bryanna came storming into the Great Hall once again, a silky green dress dragging forgotten behind her on the ground.

"What is this?!" she exclaimed and tossed the gown to the ground. That done, Bryanna started to edge away from it, keeping an eye on the dress as if it would bite.

"I believe that is a dress," Elrond commented softly, raising an eyebrow at the red-headed teenage girl.

Bryanna growled in frustration and pointed to the dress. "I _know_ what that is," she retorted, exasperated. "What I'm asking is _why_ it is in _my_ room."

For the first time, Arwen spoke up. "It is yours. The Elven women decided that you needed a dress for your journey. We picked it out because we thought that it would go wonderfully with your hair color." She smiled and gestured towards the dragged and dirty dress. "It's a glorious color. Don't you like it?"

Bryanna growled to herself and tugged on her waist-length braid, something she did when she was frustrated. "Hobbit-boy often wondered how she didn't tug out her hair by accident.) "I don't like dresses," the girl explained as calmly as she possibly could. She gestured to herself, using her clothes as an example. The girl still wore her school's uniform: baggy khaki Dickies pants, a green polo shirt, and a gray sweatshirt. Sean wore the same, only his pants weren't as baggy, his shirt was white, and he had somehow managed to keep his letterman's jacket throughout their escapades.

The Elven ladies fell silent, their shock radiating throughout the Hall. "You...you _don't_ like dresses?" one of the younger women ventured, disbelief apparent in her voice.

The red-headed girl shook her head. "Nope. I hate dresses--I despise them. So, if it's all the same to you, can I have a tunic, breeches, and boots?"

  
  


Four hours (and many, many arguments from the noble Elven ladies) later, the Ring Group set out. Bryanna refused to call it the Fellowship of the Ring, claiming that she wasn't a 'fellow' and therefore the adventurers couldn't be called a fellowship. Hence the new name. (Sean thought that it was stupid, but he wasn't going to say anything. He wasn't stupid and his survival instincts were fully functional.)

Bryanna was behind Legolas, clad in her breeches, tunic, and boots. She had managed to 'convince' the Elven ladies into letting her wear the clothes she wanted to wear by saying that if she didn't get the clothes that she wanted, then she wouldn't be leaving Rivendell. Hearing this, Elrond interceded and gave her a pair of his _own_ clothing. (Sean thought that Elrond must have been pretty desperate to get them out of Rivendell if he had given the girl his own clothes.) As she walked, her many weapons clanked against each other, sounding like a suit of armor. Watching his friend, Sean wondered how Bryanna could even walk with all of her weapons.

All in all, Bryanna had talked the warrior Elves into giving her a crossbow, a longbow, many many arrows, about twenty daggers (several of them were hidden somewhere in her braid), a kodachi-like sword, a broadsword, two battle axes, a halbred, a glaive, a staff, several bags of ninja throwing stars, and two katana-like swords strapped across her back in a cross draw. Sean thought that she looked like a walking arsenal----even _more_ dangerous than usual. How Bryanna had talked the Elves out of all of those weapons and where she kept all of them, Sean had no clue...and he was afraid to ask.

He, however, had taken a very simple approach. Sean had chosen a nodachi, which was a _very_ large version of a katana. (He had decided to call it "The Ridiculously Sized, Impossibly Sharp Nodachi of Smiting." AKA the Masamune. Bryanna just called it Bob.) At that moment, he had it casually slung over his shoulder. And, just as Bry had 'borrowed' Elven clothing, Gimli had given Sean some of his extra clothing. It also included a helmet, but it wouldn't fit Hobbit-boy--when he tried it on, it slipped down and fell over his eyes. The Dragon Lady had found this extremely amusing and still broke into fits of snickering (snickering, mind you; _not_ giggling) for no apparent reason. Sean wondered how many times she had been dropped on her head as a child.

"I heard that!" Bryanna yelled, shooting Sean her 'Dragon Glare' over her shoulder. "And for your information, it was only 1,253,956,821,415,003 times."

Hobbit-boy blinked, then shrugged. "That explains it," he said dryly.

"So?" Bryanna said defensively. "It's not as if it affected anything, anyways."

Boromir heard this and started snorting, Sean joining in with him. And, once again, Bryanna's shoes flew. The tall man growled to himself and rubbed the knot forming on the back of his head. "I don't know _why_ we have to take those two," he said, grumbling to himself. "I mean, they're going to be worthless in a fight! And a woman--a _woman_ is tagging along with us!"

Bryanna turned around once again and gave Boromir a 'I'm-holier-than-thou-and-you-know-that-but-don't-want-to-admit-to-it-because-you're-insecure-and-I-could-easily-kick-your-ass-but-I'm-not-in-the-mood-to-do-so' look. After that, Boromir didn't talk for a _very_ long time...

Bryanna continued to walk behind Legolas and Sean began to suspect why. He was scared to ask...but he _had_ to ask. So... "Bryanna?" he began warily.

"Hmmm?" she replied, looking over her shoulder at her best guy friend. Her eyes were glazed over and there was a contented smile on her lips.

"Never mind," Sean quickly said. She gave him another dreamy smile and returned to her Legolas-Bum-Watching. Sean just shook his head----Bry was Bry and nothing could change her. But that didn't stop him from feeling very sorry for the blonde Elf. "So," he began, slanting a glance at Gimli, who was walking beside him, "if there would ever be a cult about you, Gimli, what would you want the focus to be on? Your overall coolness or your prowess in battle?"

Gimli blinked. "Coolness? What do you mean? I am not cold." He paused for a minute and grinned: "Do you really think that there will someday be a religion about my prowess in battle?"

Sean nodded rapidly. "Oh, I'm _positive_ that there will someday be a religion about you! Someday _soon_, I bet." Gimli grinned at that. Continuing, Sean asked, "You wouldn't mind if I just walk next to you and stare at you in awe, do you?"

And the rest of the day went on like this...

* * *

Later on that night, the Ring Group were encamped five miles away from the Old Forest. Normally, the journey would have taken much longer, but Bryanna had kept on singing Disney songs (especially The Lion King and Simba's Pride) and so the ten other males were desperate for her to shut up.

And so there Bryanna sat, dressed in an oversized shirt (a castoff from her Father) and an oversized pair of plaid boxers. This is what she usually slept in and had taken her Pjs from her backpack that had magically appeared at that moment.

"Where did that come from?" Sean asked suspiciously, reaching forward to poke at her school backpack.

Bryanna swatted at his hand. "No touchies!" she scolded. "And it's been here, with me, all of this time."

Sean stared at the backpack for another minute. "No, it hasn't," he finally remarked.

"Has so. You just haven't been paying attention."

"I _have_ been paying attention, and that backpack _wasn't_ here."

"Was."

"Not."

"Was."

"Not."

"Was."

"Not."

"Not."

"Was," Sean said. All too late, he realized his mistake.

"Ha HA!" Bryanna laughed, doing a little dance around her friend. "I tricked you! My younger _sisters_ always fall for that trick!" Her grin slowly turned evil. "I guess that it means that my backpack _has_ always been here."

Sean didn't reply to this, just stared at the backpack and muttered something about how everything freaky in life was "A girl thing." Hobbit-boy sighed and stared down at his outfit. It was cool looking and all, but he bet it wasn't very comfortable to sleep in. "Hey, Bry..." he began. "Do you have any more Pjs?"

Bryanna's smile seemed to turn even more evil and she rooted around in her backpack. After several minutes of searching, she came up triumphant. "I found some Pjs for ya Sean!" she caroled. Hobbit-boy eagerly went forward, only to be presented with...a _very_ skimpy nightie.

What did Sean do? Why, what every other teenage boy would do.

Hobbit-boy screamed and quickly backed away, making his fingers into a cross. "You can't be _serious_! There is NO WAY I'm wearing that!"

Bryanna shrugged and tossed the nighie into the backpack. "If you say so, Seannykins-chan," she replied cordially. That said, she continued her search for a pair of Pjs for Sean. "How about this one?" she asked, bringing up an even _skimpier_ nightgown. Sean's reply to _this_ particular choice was to faint.

Gandalf, Boromir, Aragorn, Frodo, Pippin, Merry, Sam, Gimli, and Legolas watched the two interact with amusement that bordered on terror. How could two innocent looking 'teenagers' terrify nine older, scarier, tougher, and more intelligent males? No answer came to them in the cold, dark night...

  
  


The red-headed girl watched the other prepare for bed, huddled in her own sleeping roll. As happy as she had been earlier, she was _not_ happy now. She was cold. And the fire was dying down. And she was cold. There were things moving in the bushes just beyond the where the fire's light ended. And did she mention that she was cold? If there was one thing that the girl hated even more than....*shudder*...needles, it was cold. And she was cold!!!

Bryanna huddled deeper in her blankets and looked over at Sean, who was still passed out. If she had known that Sean would have fainted from just an _itsy teeny tiny_ joke, she wouldn't have done it. Okay. Well, she still would have done it, but still! He gave a little snort and rolled closer to Gimli, nearly crushing the smaller Dwarf.

The teenager snickered and continued her examination of the campsite. And discovered that Legolas was the only one still up besides herself. A plan slowly began to form in her mind... "Leggie-chan..." she began softly, giving the Elf an even MORE 'puppier-dog-eyed' look than she had at Rivendell.

Wary, Legolas asked, "Yes? What is it, Bryanna?"

Shivering, Bryanna pulled her blankets tighter around her body. She didn't have to pretend about the being cold part! "I'm cold," she continued, just as softly. "And I'm also scared. Please...can I sleep with you tonight?" As she said the last part, she tried to look as innocent as she possibly could. And Legolas fell for it. 

The Elf gave her a suspicious look and scooted over, making room for her. Grinning to herself in triumph, Bryanna crawled over the various bodies and made her way to his side. 'Heh heh heh... One small step for fangirls; one giant leap for Legolas fangirl-kind,' she thought to herself.

And so Bryanna fell asleep, propped up against Legolas, just hoping to any god that would listen that she wouldn't drool on him in her sleep. She never did find out if she _did_ drool on him or not...


	4. Middle-earth Meets the Krispy Kreme and ...

The Day Middle-earth Stood Still

By: Neko-chan

A/N: Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! People are reviewing! They are falling into my trap!! *evil laughter ensues*

Sean: Bryanna.....what have you been sniffin'?

Neko-chan: *blink* Sniffing? What do you mean? *pause* Besides, I could ask the same of YOU! *pauses again*......*pokes Lisa* And we do NOT act this way in school!

Sean: Yes we do.

Neko-chan: Do not.

Sean: Do too.

Neko-chan: *plugs ears* I'm not listening to yoooooooo~oooooou! Anyway, on with the ficcie! I'm sure many of my readers (Readers? What readers?) will enjoy this particular one. ;D

Sean: I'm getting a bad feeling about this....

  
  


Disclaimer: Eh. Look in chapter one. ;P

  
  


Chapter Four

Bryanna yawned and opened her eyes, squinting as the morning sunlight hit her in the face full blast. She growled, mumbled something about 'super novas,' then burrowed deeper into Legolas' sleeping roll. That seemed to be absent of a certain blonde Elf...

Peeking an eye out from under a stuffed pillow, she spotted him in a nearby tree, fast asleep and safe with the knowledge that she wouldn't be able to climb said tree. Pouting, she cuddle Chomper, her stuffed purple baby T-rex from the movie "The Land Before Time," closer to her body and burrowed even deeper into the sleeping roll.

This didn't last long.

Soon, boredom set in for the young red-head and she climbed out from her many layers of blankets, wandering around the campsite aimlessly and getting hungrier and hungrier. After circling the campsite for three hundred and twenty six times, she finally wandered up to Aragorn. "I'm hungry," she whined. "I want foooooooood..... I'm hungrrrrrrrry! I haven't had anything to eat for a whole entire night! I want fooooooooood! I'm hungryyyyyyyyyy!!"

"What do you want to eat?" the Prince of Gondor growled as he tried to burrow under his own set of blankets, wanting to get away from the girl. She was worse than a Hobbit! None of the four had given HIM such trouble when he had led them to Rivendell! Why was she any different?

In answer to his question, Bryanna replied, "Food."

Aragorn paused and propped his head up. "I know that already!" he yelled. "But what do you want to eat?"

"Food."

"What.....do.......you........want.........to.......eat?"

"Fooooooooooooood."

"What.......................................................do.......................................you.......................want.........................................................to................................................eat?"

"Foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood...................................................................................................................."

This went on for about twenty minutes before Aragorn finally became fed up (not to mention he ran out of breath) with the red-headed teenager. Giving an angry growl, and muttering about 'simpleton girls from another world,' he grabbed his sword, grabbed Legolas' bow, and went to kill...something. For some reason, Bryanna thought that he would be imagining that each thing he killed would be wearing her face. At this, the red-head decided to avoid the Ranger for a while. People often called her stupid or weird or freaky and now simpleminded, but she wasn't as dumb as they thought! (She was worse...)

Bored once again, Bryanna made her way to Sean's side, staring down at the deeply asleep boy. Slowly, an idea began to form in her mind. A very evil, yet amusing, plan... Grinning to herself, she continued to scoot forward until she was 0.000000000000001463756 millimeters away from Sean's face. And then the poking began.

"Seaaaaaaaaaaaan," Bryanna whispered as she poked his face. "Seeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaannnnnnn..........Seaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnn," she said once again. Poke, poke, poke, poke....over and over again, as if poking Sean was her only goal in life. And what wonderful poking she did!

Finally, when no spot on his face was left unpoked, Hobbit-boy was roused from his sleep. Only to find Bryanna 0.000000000000001463756 millimeters away from his face. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed as he rapidly backpedaled away from the (slightly) odd girl. Once he was sure that his heart WAS beating and the it would NOT jump out of his chest, Sean tried to take a deep breath, but he was hyperventilating too much to take the large breath that he needed. Then... "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" he yelled when he finally had the breath to do so. His earlier scream had awakened the others and they watched the two with barely concealed amusement bordering on terror.

"Awwwww!!! I didn't mean anything by it, Seannykins-chan!!" Bryanna cooed, abruptly launching herself at him and giving her friend her best fangirl glomp. "And look, to make it up to you, I'll even give you a pressie!"

That said, Bryanna let go of Sean, making him fall backwards, completely weighed down by the armor that Gimli had given him the day before. The girl crawled over to her backpack and started digging through it. Soon, miscellaneous items were flying through the air. Sean had to duck to avoid being hit by the Frying Pan of Doom, the Spork of Terror, a set of socks, a couple of books, a pair of shorts, a pad of paper, a Siamese cat (o.O;;), and a grenade..... A grenade?!

Luckily, the rain of flying objects soon stopped. "Ah HA!" Bryanna laughed in triumph. "I found you, you sneaky little things!! Thought you could hide from the almighty Cat-girl, didn't you? Didn't you????"

Gandalf blinked and looked at her with a puzzled expression flitting across his face. "Does she always talk to her possessions?" he asked Hobbit-boy, stroking his beard thoughtfully.

Sean shrugged. "Only when she's mad at them," he replied.

Bryanna interrupted their discussion by bounding towards them, skipping cheerfully. "I found them!" she caroled, then brought her arms to her front. And all Sean could do was stare. A box of Krispy Kreme donuts and a couple of bags of Pixy Stix lay within her arms...within his reach.

As Hobbit-boy stared at Bryanna's food with an expression close to reverence on his face, the four Hobbits edged closer. "Is that food?" Pippin asked, eyeing the box of Krispy Kremes with a puzzled expression on his face.

The girl nodded. "Yup! This stuff is....AMBROSIA!!" she told the Hobbits. Grinning, she opened the box, giving a couple of donuts to Sean (who nearly took off her hand!! Bad, bad Sean!!!) and the Hobbits. 

Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Merry nibbled at the donuts at first. Then, as the yummy gooyness of the ambrosia of the gods (otherwise known as Krispy Kreme donuts...) melted on their tongues, their eyes widened and they attacked the box, nearly taking Bryanna down with them. Soon, a feeding frenzy started, the four Hobbits and Hobbit-boy fighting over the remaining donuts. Bryanna sat ten feet away, watching the food fight, and eating about 45 Pixy Stix per minute.

Little did Gimli, Gandalf, Legolas, Boromir, and Aragorn (who was now back from his hunting--he didn't catch anything because Sean's screams had scared away all of the game) know that Pixy Stix were pure sugar. And that the red-headed teenager got even WORSE when she was high off of sugar. But they'd find that out soon enough...

  
  


TBC...

  
  


A/N: Yesh......short chapter, I know. But...in the NEXT chappie: Sean, Bryanna, and the Hobbits are on a sugar high!! What does this mean for our five _normal_ Ring Group members?! Dear God...even _I_ feel sorry for them!


	5. Bill the Pony Has a CRUSH?!

The Day Middle-earth Stood Still

By: Neko-chan

  
  


A/N: Well...here it is! Chapter Five! I know that I haven't updated for a while...sorry! u.u;; I've been busy. (Plus too, I've gotten death threats on some of the stories I haven't updated in _months_.) So Neko-chan has been one very busy cat-girl. x.x;; Oh, well! I'm updating now! *eye shift, eye shift* And I won't get any death threats on this story, will I?

Sean: You're paranoid.

Neko-chan: No, I'm not! Just covering all of my bases!

Sean: Again I say: You're paranoid.

Neko-chan:....¬.¬ At least _I'm_ not a Hobbit-boy.

Sean: P

Neko-chan: P

Sean: P

Neko-chan: P

~*And so it continues...*~

  
  


Disclaimer: Neko-chan is a very poor (but hyper!) cat-girl and has no money. So if a person decides to sue, then all they'll be getting is pocket lint. (And not even _Collector's Edition_ pocket lint, either!) Life's tough; get a helmet! (Ne...I love that quote from Boy Meets World. *_*) Anyway...the point of all of this pointless rambling (Ooooo...I just contradicted myself!) is that Neko-chan does NOT own any of the Middle-earth characters. She doesn't own the Frying Pan of Doom, either. Patricia C. Wrede does, but Neko-chan likes to borrow it to bonk annoying *innocent grin* people with it. And Sean owns himself and Neko-chan owns herself. 

  
  


Chapter Five

Legolas, Gimli, Boromir, Aragorn, and Gandalf all stared in amazement at the four Hobbits and their "brother," all of whom were currently involved in a feeding frenzy, each vying for the last Krispy Kreme. All they _could_ do was stare in horror as Sean, Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin wrestled for the _very last_ Krispy Kreme. Since Sean was on the Varsity wrestling team, he was the most experienced at wrestling. And so he went for the easiest solution: He sat on Frodo and Merry, stuffing the donut in his mouth, and having Sam and Pippin gnaw on his legs like little terrier dogs.

"What devilry is this?!" Aragorn exclaimed as the five older males slowly backed away from the Hobbits and the Hobbit-like boy.

"I do not know!" Gandalf answered and brandished his staff in front of himself like a club.

Suddenly, a high-pitched giggle came from where Bryanna had last sat. Dreading what they would find, the Elf, the Dwarf, the two Men, and the wizard slowly turned around, readying themselves for battle. And there Bryanna sat, eating her 542th Pixy Stix and giggling to herself occasionally.

Sean paused in mid-chew and looked at what everyone else was staring at. As he noticed that Bryanna was on a sugar high, a feeling of foreboding overcame him. "Dun dun duuuuuun...." he mumbled to himself and giggled also.

"I have a bad feeling about all of this..." Legolas murmured as he slowly backed away from the seemingly insane red-headed teenager.

Bryanna giggled and ate another Pixy Stix. "What is wrong with the lassie?" Gimli asked in concern as his eyes crinkled in extreme worry for the red-head.

The girl gasped in horror and the Pixy Stix fell from her lifeless hands. "I AM NOT A COLLIE DOG!" she suddenly yelled and jumped in her feet.

Hobbit-boy and his brethren ignored all that was going on and started digging through Bryanna's backpack, looking for more Krispy Kremes and other ambrosia-like food. He and the Hobbits hit pay dirt when they found five Krispy Kreme boxes, a package of pure sugar, two 24-packs of Mountain Dew, and a box of Fruitopia.

"She's been holdin' out on me!" Sean grumbled to himself as he stuffed another Krispy Kreme into his mouth and gulped down three Mt. Dew drinks. The Hobbits stared at him; then they, too, each grabbed a box of Krispy Kremes and gulped down a bottle of Fruitopia. Their eyes widened as the pure sugar hit their systems.

"I am _not_ a dog!" Bryanna exclaimed as she stamped a foot. "And _especially_ not a collie dog. If I ever _do_ become a dog, then I would want to become a husky. Or maybe a wolf hybrid. But _definitely_ not a collie dog!"

"Lassie," Gimli began, holding up his hands soothingly, as a person does with wild animals.

"I AM NOT A COLLIE DOG!!!"

Continuing as if the girl had never interrupted, Gimli said, "Please calm down. We mean you no harm. You've stayed out in the sun for too long. You must come with us into the shade and rest yer wee limbs, lassie."

Unbeknownst to Bryanna, Boromir was sneaking up behind her, clasping a length of rope. The Ring Group (except for Sean, because he knew that this was how Bryanna acted when she got hyper) thought that the poor, poor girl had gone insane. So they decided (through repeated eye shifts) that they would wrap her up like a mummy with the rope and then tie her down to Bill the pony.

Suddenly, Boromir pounced and landed on the much smaller girl. The two began rolling on the ground, Boromir trying to wrap her up and Bryanna trying to squirm away. All too soon, the "war" began.

"Let me go, you overdeveloped monkey!!"

"OW! She pinched me!"

"Ha HA! Take that, you monkey! And take THIS, too!"

"No biting!!"

"HA! And this!"

"NO NIPPLE TWISTING!"

"And this!"

"OW! No scratching!"

"Freedom! FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM!!!!!"

"Ooomph! She just kicked me!"

"Get offa me, you overgrown human tree! You're squishing me!"

BONK!!

Finally, Boromir managed to crawl away, bruised, bitten, kicked, punched, scratched, twisted, pinched, and bonked, collapsing at Gandalf and Aragorn's feet. "I...I failed in my quest," he managed to gasp out before he passed out.

Aragorn blinked and looked from the unconscious Boromir to Bryanna, who was sitting on the ground, the Frying Pan of Doom clasped firmly in her hands and eating a new Pixy Stix stick. "She must be _much_ stronger than she looks," he commented softly, watching the smaller girl with a Ranger-trained eye.

"Either that, or she feels no shame in fighting dirty," Gimli added.

"I would stake my money on the latter theory," Gandalf finished.

Bryanna glared darkly at the three males and they abruptly shut up. Then she turned her attention to Legolas, staring at him unblinkingly. "Pretty, pretty Elf," she mumbled to herself. Legolas's eyes widened and he quickly backed away from the red-headed girl, climbing a tree as fast as he was able. 

"Legolas...come down!" Bryanna demanded as she continued to stare unblinking at Legolas and his new hiding spot.

The tree's leaves shivered. "No!"

The tall red-headed girl stood up and stamped her foot. "Come down!" she demanded again, idly eating yet another Pixy Stix.

"No!!"

As Bryanna's attention was directed at the terrified Elf, Aragorn slowly snuck up behind her. Then, before she could react, he rapidly wrapped her up with the rope and the young teenager then resembled a mummy. A _very_ upset mummy.

"Let me go! Let me go! LET ME GO!!!!" Bryanna yelled at the top of her lungs, a Pixy Stix held firmly between her lips.

"I think we may need to gag her also," Gandalf commented as he plugged his poor ears from Bryanna's yells and demands to be set free. Aragorn nodded in agreement and quickly ripped off a strip of his tunic. Then, when Bryanna was in mid-yell, he stuffed in it her mouth.

"MFTSHPDSFTFFFFFFT!!!!!"

Gimli winced. "Even gagged the lassie's loud." Aragorn and Gandalf winced also and debated whether or not they should plug their ears. Sean just continued to eat Krispy Kremes, drinking Mt. Dew, and basically ignoring Bryanna. He was used to this--when Bryanna was upset, she let everyone know..._loudly_.

Sighing, Gimli threw the girl over his shoulder and tossed her onto Bill like a sack of potatoes. Bryanna let out an 'Oooomph!' and glared at the Dwarf, Aragorn, and Gandalf.

She wiggled a bit, looking like a worm, and tried to get into a more comfortable position. She grumbled to herself, probably planning what she was going to do in retaliation to Gimli, Strider, and the wizard. Suddenly, she let out a shriek of fury when she spotted Sean and the Hobbits going through her backpack.

She kicked out, except that she was wrapped up, so that didn't work. Instead, she accidently kicked Bill the pony.

Bill let out a horsey scream and reared on his back legs. Then, before anyone could react, he lunged forward and ran into the Old Forest, leaving the others far behind.

* * *

"I didn't do it!" Sean abruptly exclaimed and hid the many sugary foods behind his back. That left the Hobbits red-handed. They looked down at the food and drinks in their hands, to the elder males, then back to the food. Then, they slowly put down their food and backed away, trying to look innocent.

Aragorn sighed and growled to himself in frustration--now he had to deal with _this_!

"I told you that she would be a nuisance!" Boromir said, pounding a large fist into his open palm. "You shouldn't have let Elrond cow you into taking them! They're more trouble than they're worth!" Then the large man flushed and mumbled something only Legolas could hear. The Elf suddenly snickered.

Gandalf looked at Legolas suspiciously, then turned his attention to Boromir. "What is it that he finds so funny?" the wizard asked, raising a busy eyebrow in question.

Boromir looked down and a slow flush crawled up his neck to light up his face. Again, he mumbled something. Gandalf raised his other eyebrow and continued to look expectant. Sighing in defeat, Boromir said, "And she scares me."

The rest of the Ring Group started laughing while Boromir continued to get redder and redder. The Hobbits and their brethren (AKA Hobbit-boy...) started laughing also, their giggles high-pitched and bordering on hysterical. The Elf, the Dwarf, the wizard, the Ranger, and the Man stopped laughing and stared at the halflings and Sean with ill-disguised fear. It was almost as if...Bryanna had come and possessed them! Just the thought of having to deal with six versions of the red-head was almost enough to make them fall to their knees and start blubbering.

The two sides sat on opposite sides of the camp fire, not blinking and never taking their eyes off of the other. Suddenly, a high-pitched giggle burst from Pippin's mouth and Boromir let out a girly sounding scream.

"Oh, dear," Gandalf murmured to himself and rubbed his temples tiredly. "I believe that this is going to be a _very_ long day."

"The first thing we need to do is get those...things...away from the laddies," Gimli added, gesturing to Frodo, Sam, Pippin, Merry, and Sean's newly reacquired junk food. Slowly, so as not to startle them with any sudden movements, the Dwarf made his way to the Hobbits and the Hobbit-like boy.

Gimli had almost taken Sam's food when the Hobbit suddenly lunged forward and snapped at the older Dwarf, nearly taking off all of Gimli's fingers on his left hand.

The Dwarf yelped and quickly backed away, running into the forest so he could find a cave that was snug, comfortable...and _safe_. Those Hobbits (and Hobbit-boy) were much more dangerous than they looked! he thought to himself as he sat in a corner of his cave, huddled, and rocking back and forth in fright. He'd never make the same mistake twice! Not ever!

"A long day. A _very_ long day," Gandalf said softly as he continued clutching his head. What had he ever done to deserve this? True, leaving Bilbo alone to face the dragon wasn't very nice, but that was besides the point! And there was that time with... But no, he wouldn't think of that. "A long, long day..."

Another girly scream came from Boromir as Merry latched onto his leg like a rottweiler and refused to let go, gnawing occasionally; Pippin was attempting to climb the tree in which Legolas was hiding in; Sean was making his Gimli shrine (even going as far as to collect Gimli's old underwear and put them in a place of honor); and Frodo and Sam were chasing Aragorn around the campsite while very unman-like whimpers were coming from his mouth. Who ever knew that halflings could move so _fast_?

"A very, very, very, _very_ loooooooong day......"

  
  


"Bill, c'mon, stop already!" Bryanna begged while she was carted around like a sack of potatoes on the pony's back, yet another Pixy Stix planted firmly between her lips. She had managed to spit out the gag, but that hadn't helped much. She had found out--the hard way--that Bill was _very_ good at ignoring her. Must have come in handy when he had been Bill Ferny's pony. "Biiiiiiiiiii~iiiiiiiiiillllllllll," Bryanna whined. "Stop! C'mon, stop!! Do you understand that I'm being rubbed raw where I never previously thought that it was possible? Stoooooooo~oooooooop!!!!"

When _that_ didn't work, Bryanna tried her last resort: Bribery. "I'll give you an apple. A carrot. Some celery. Alfalfa. Lettuce. How about some sugar cubes? No horse has ever been able to resist the sugar cube!" No answer. Suddenly, a _brilliant_ idea struck Bryanna. (And no, it didn't strike her in the head. Okay...it did, but that's beside the point.) "How about if I get Sam, Frodo, Pippin, Merry, and Aragorn to rub you down while Legolas serenades you?"

Bill paused for a minute and tilted his head to the side. Then, he snorted.

Bryanna blinked. "Come again?" she asked. Another snort was her answer. "Sean? What about Sean?" This time, a series of snorts. Suddenly, Bryanna started laughing. "Why Bill, you old dog! Why didn't you tell me this sooner?" Another snort, but this one sounded shyer than the rest. "Oh, I'm sure he feels the same way! Haven't you talked to him about all of this?"

And so passed the rest of the day, Bill and Bryanna discussing his romance prospects. She never did get what she wanted--Bill never set her down. But that was lost in her unholy glee and thoughts of how she could use this new information against Sean.

  
  


A/N: Well...chapter five is done! Next chapter: Bryanna actually _does_ find Tom Bombadil!! (Whoa...someone actually finishes their quest!!) The red-headed girl gets eaten by a willow tree and the rest of the Ring Group have to find their missing (insane) member while having to deal with four (well...five, if you include Sean...) hyper and sugar rushed Hobbits! Lions, tigers, and bears, oh my! ^_^ 

  
  
  
  



	6. MINE!!!!

The Day Middle-earth Stood Still

By: Neko-chan

A/N: Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! *ish crying 'cause she's laughing so hard* *gasps for breath* I loved the last chapter....I think that the whole "Bill-falling-in-love-with-Hobbit-boy" was particularly inspired. *eyelash bat* Anywho...I finally got my first death threat! *blows a kiss to Sean* I love you, too! ^_~ Heh heh heh heh heh......HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!

Sean: (And this is a direct quote, too! ^______^) My hatred for you knows no bounds. If this goes the way I think it will, I shall destroy you.

Neko-chan: Bah. You take things too seriously. . Besides, it was only for comic relief. Though...now I'm not so sure now. Have you seen the way that Bill's been starin' at ya?

Sean: I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. And what about you?! You're weirder than _I_ am!!

Neko-chan: *blushes* Stop with all the compliments! *preens* And you say that I'm weird as if it were a BAD thing. And I DO make fun of myself!! Even look at all the scenes when I'm acting...myself! *grin grin*

Sean:.........¬.¬

Neko-chan: ^_^

Sean: P

Neko-chan: P

Sean: P

Neko-chan: ^_____________________________________^

Sean: o.o;;

~*And so, once again, it continues...*~

  
  


Disclaimer: Neko-chan owns nothing.....except herself. And I know that Old Man Willow doesn't talk....but lets just say that in this fan fic he 'mysteriously' gets the power to talk. ^__^

  
  


Chapter Six

"Wow! Really? Do tell!" Bryanna said, giggling over the new information that Bill had just snorted. (And some of you may be wondering...how in the heck does Bry know what Bill is saying?! My reply: It's a Bry thing. Ooooo....I just made a kinda rhyme! ^_^) "C'mon, c'mon!! Give me more details!!" the red-headed girl begged, trying to worm her way into a more comfortable position. She was still tied up...but didn't seem to mind that much anymore. The whining, the bribery, and the rub down was long forgotten...though she wouldn't have minded a rub down from Legolas, though.

The two had been discussing Bill's romance prospects for the whole entire day, and neither seemed to have grown tired of their subject. While Bill worried, Bryanna consoled him. The two had become fast friends. 

Eventually, it grew dark in the Old Forest and the two had to stop. Bill, because he couldn't cart Bryanna around anymore. (Hey, there's only so much a pony can handle!) And Bryanna, because she decided that she had enough info to blackmail Sean for...oh, say the rest of his natural life. Both were tired, so it was natural that they didn't notice that Bill had accidently led them both into the Withywindle valley. The red-headed girl managed to squirm her way out of the rope (with many grunts, curses, and plans on how to get Aragorn and his conspirators back...) and then set about unloading Bill.

That done, Bryanna leaned back on a tree and sighed. "I wonder how we're gonna get the people we like?" she mused aloud, looking at Bill with a small little frown. "I mean...somehow, I don't think that Sean is gonna be too happy with all of this--and THAT is the understatement of the century--and Legolas has plenty of fangirls runnin' around chasin' after him." She sniffled a bit. "And I wanna get my LEGGIE-CHAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!"

Bill winced. Even he was amazed at the decibels that a girl could reach. He shook his head and snorted.

"Pathetic?! What do you mean that I'm pathetic?! Just remember who's the pony that likes a human, buddy!" Bryanna shot back, sticking out her tongue. Bill returned in kind. Grumbling, the girl mumbled: "Well...you'll be lucky if Sean doesn't go on a killing spree 'cause he's suddenly had a urge for some glue."

Bill started to look green.

"Ha! Serves you right, you...you...you gay pony!" Bryanna gloated, leaning even further back on the tree. Bill started to look a little...miffed. But, before Bryanna could say another thing, the tree that she was leaning against suddenly opened up and swallowed her whole! The girl let out a little shriek and then was gone. Bill blinked, snorted, gloated, then meandered up the hill. Since the girl was gone, he was able to get Sean all to himself! The pony's eyes temporarily became stars and he began his search for the Ring Group once again.

Bryanna, on the other hand, wasn't having such a good time. "LET ME OUT!!!" a scream came from within the willow's trunk. It seemed to shudder a bit...then, suddenly, he spit out the teenage red-head with a loud "BLECH!!!"

And so Bryanna sat on the cold, wet, muddy ground...covered in willow saliva. "YOU...YOU...YOU ATE ME!!!!!!" she yelled and threw a rock at the willow. It shook its branches at her, the closest it could come to shaking a fist. She managed to get to her feet, making several sounds of disgust.

"I agree. You taste horrible!! The worst meal that I've had in millennia," a deep, booming voice said from somewhere over by the willow tree. "I never knew that food can taste as bad as you do until _you_ came along..."

The girl beamed. "Why, thank you!"

Old Man Willow seemed to blink. "That wasn't a compliment."

Bryanna blinked. "It wasn't?" She then glared. "You stupid tree! You're just lucky that I don't make aspirin out of ya!" Her glare darkened and she shook her fist as the said 'stupid tree.'

Old Man Willow shook a couple of branches at her.

Bryanna shook her fist harder.

Old Man Willow shook his branches harder.

Bryanna shook her fist even _harder_.

Old Man Willow shook his branches even _more_ harder.

Their 'who-can-shake-their-fist-and-or-branches-harder' contest was soon interrupted by the familiar song of...a certain Valar in a yellow hat! Bryanna blinked, then smiled. "TOM!!" she shrieked as loud as she could.

"Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo! Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow! Tom Bom, jolly Tom, Tom Bombadillo!"

Bryanna squealed and quickly ran away from Old Man Willow, running so fast that she 'accidently' splattered the old tree with mud clumps. He grumbled to himself and mumbled something about how 'the young never respect their elders nowadays...'

"Tom, Tom, Tom, Tom, Tooooooooom!" Bryanna squealed as she latched herself onto the smaller person. "I know that a lot of people make fun of ya and stuff...but I think that you're cool and that your poetry IS...kinda...somewhat...marginally...good!" She paused for a minute... "Oh, and can I have a hat _just like yours_???"

Tom Bombadil seemed startled. Who wouldn't be? But, before he could reply to _anything_ the teenager said...she took the hat right off his head and plunked it on her own...even though the yellow clashed _horribly_ with her red hair. 

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!" she giggled. "I'll treasure it forever and ever and ever!!!" She backed away and suddenly the air around her got darker. "Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Beware Gandalf, I shall show the world that my new yellow hat is _much_ better than your own!" She paused for a minute: "Or...maybe I can start a hat collection from the Middle-earth universe!!" Bryanna laughed quietly to herself while Tom Bombadil looked worriedly on. Then, suddenly, she struck a pose. "First stop yellow hat! Next step Gandalf's wizard hat! After that, I think I'll ask Saruman who does his nails and then maybe I'll..."

Her thought was left off when she noticed that Tom was staring at her strangely. "What?"

Tom shook his head. "Oh-ho! Nothing! Absolutely nothing..." 

Bryanna blinked, then shrugged. She got a lot of that 'Nothing...absolutely nothing...' In fact, it was her opinion that there WAS something wrong...something seriously wrong with those weirdos who always looked at her oddly. She shrugged again. No matter. The world was filled with lots and lots of weirdos. She was just meeting her share of them.

Suddenly, an idea struck the red-headed girl!! She paused and thought it through: Tom wasn't _that_ good-looking of a guy (no offense to Tom or anything!!) and somehow-or-other he had managed to get a hot-looking woman for a wife. Maybe...maybe he'd be able to tell his secrets of the trade and then she would _finally_ be able to have Leggie-chan for herself! At this, Bryanna's eyes went starry. (But...we all know that her plan is _of course_ gonna fail, right? u.u;;)

"Toooooooooom," she began cordially and fluttered her eyelashes at him. "Can you do me a _big huge_ favor?"

Suspicious of this new...thing (meaning the girl...), Tom asked, "What would you have me do?"

Bryanna's eyes instantly went puppy-dog-like. "Can you pleeeeeeeeeeeease tell me how you were able to convince Goldberry to marry you? I mean...you must've _really_ put the moves on her in order to convince her! In fact, one of my friends would say that you were the Pimp Master!!"

"Pimp Master?"

"And then a couple of my other friends think that you're gay...'cause, I mean...you have this totally hot wife, but you don't have any kids. _I_ think that you're just waiting your time. I mean, you have forever, don't ya? And it's better to take it slow, anyway. I mean, how many kids end up in adoption centers because their parents didn't think things through? So, I commend you!! You're smarter than the average person! And I also think that they're just jealous. 'Cause...I bet that they'll _never_ get a girlfriend or wife that's as hot as Goldberry! Don't ya think so, too?"

"Ummmmm......yes?"

Bryanna nodded in a self-satisfied way. "Yup, I thought so. So....will you tell me your secret of how you won Goldberry?"

Once again, Tom blinked. "If I told you how I won her...will you give me back my hat?"

Bryanna gasped in horror. "The...the...the hat?! But...if I give it back, then it'll _completely_ ruin my plan to eventually take over the hats of Middle-earth!! You wouldn't want that to happen, now would you?"

"Ummmmm.....no?"

A nod. "I thought so. Smart of you, old Tom! Very smart! So, let us get back to the subject at hand. How _did_ you win Goldberry, Tom? Please tell me your great secret, sensei!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?????"

For the first time, Tom seemed depressed. "But I want my hat back!!"

"It's mine now!"

"That's because you stole it from me!!"

"Did not! You gave it to me!"

"I _did not_! You stole it!"

"I did not steal it from you! You gave it to me so I could add it to my eventual plan of taking over the hats of Middle-earth...while I'm on the subject, I wonder if I can take over the hats of the two blue wizards? I wonder where they are right about now... Anyway...how 'bout a truce. I'll consider giving it back to you IF and ONLY if you tell me how ya got Goldberry."

"No. I want my hat."

"MY hat."

"Mine."

"Mine."

"MINE."

"You're just delusional. It's mine."

"Mine!!!"

"MINE!!"

"MINE!!!"

  
  


A/N: And so ends chapter six!! _Will_ Bryanna ever discover Tom's secret? _Will_ the others find Bryanna again? Do they even _want_ to? (Boromir: NOOOOO!!) Bah. Go back to your group, you unman-like screamer. At least _I_ don't scream like a girl. (Boromir: You _are_ a girl.) Exactly. (Boromir: *ish confused*)


	7. The Hat Conspiracy

The Day Middle-earth Stood Still

By: Neko-chan

A/N: Yesh.....another chapter! Whoo-hoo! *does a little victory dance* And.....and I'm glad that everyone is enjoying this so far... It makes me feel so special...so touched...*reaches for Sean to use him as a kleenex*

Sean: HEY!! Get away from me! I'm not a tissue!!

Neko-chan: D......anywho, welcome, once again, to MY world...

  
  


Disclaimer: Neko-chan owns nothing but herself. She is only a poor, poor author whose only joy in life is to see people laugh.

Sean: Isn't that a bit melodramatic?

Neko-chan: Bah. If I can't get reviews for the humor genre, maybe I can get reviews 'cause they pity me so much!! ^_^ Brilliant idea, no?

Sean: You're pathetic...

Neko-chan: *ponders* You know what? Bill said _exactly_ the same thing to me... 

Sean: x.x;;

  
  


Chapter Seven

"Do you have any more of those circular pastries with the hole in the middle?" Pippin asked as he jumped up and down in front of the taller boy. Sean blinked as his head followed Pippin's up and down movement. Maybe letting Bry give the Hobbits sugar hadn't been such a good idea. Probably one of her worst ones. Wait a minute...all of her ideas were bad! Just like how she blamed everything on his poor, poor self.

"I don't think so, Pip," Sean replied as he took a quick glance into the Bottomless Pit...which was otherwise known as Bryanna's backpack. How she could fit so much stuff in there mystified him. Just like how ALL women could fit all of their junk into those _tiny_ purses they all carried around. The ways of women were so much more complex than the ways of men...just give him a wallet and Sean was happy. Continuing, Sean said: "I think that Merry ate the last one."

Hearing this, Pippin pouted and hopped his way over to Merry. It seemed as if the poor Hobbit was now incapable of just plainly walking. Letting Bryanna give them sugar was _most definitely_ a bad idea. And it wasn't fair...she was off somewhere with Bill...and he was stuck here with the rest of the Ring Group. But, then again...this DID allow more Gimli worshiping sessions and DID give him a chance to steal more of Gimli's old underwear. But how, that was the ultimate question...

"Cousin, you are a pig!" Pippin's voice suddenly rang out. "I can't believe it! You ate the very _last_ of those yummy pastry...holey...thingies."

"And YOU, my dear cousin, ate the last of the mushrooms last night and you drank the last of that green bubbly drink that Mr. Sean gave to us out of Miss Bryanna's pack of her back! So I'M not the pig here, cousin!"

"YOU ate the last pastry holey thingie and you also ate the last of the radishes...and carrots...and celery...and potatoes...and--"

"So THAT'S where all of my vegetables went!" Sam exclaimed. The normally easy-going, quiet, and simple Hobbit was now aflame with anger. "I was saving those for our meals!" And then he threw a pot at Merry and Pippin, who ducked, and decided that it was wiser to stay closer to Gandalf and Aragorn...at least for a while.

The Hobbits are never going near sugar again, Sean thought to himself. Never ever ever. Never again. No way, no how. Over my dead body.

"Sooo.....Sam.....what WERE you going to make with all of those vegetables?" Sean asked cautiously as he edged toward the last two Hobbits, Sam and Frodo.

Sam beamed. "I was going to make my World Famous Tater Stew!"

Frodo chuckled. "It really IS world famous. All of the Hobbit wives in the Shire always come to Samwise Gamgee for cooking and gardening tips. Everyone loves him and he's well respected."

"Why...Why, I don't know what to say! Thank you, Mr. Frodo," Same replied, blushing furiously at the high praise coming his master's mouth. It wasn't everyday that someone complimented him and he rather enjoyed it. Especially if it came from someone he held in such high esteem.

"Mmmmmmm.......Tater Stew......." Sean drooled to himself. When had he last eaten? The morning seemed so long away... Fooooooooooood...................

"Excuse me, Sean," Frodo said, interrupting Sean's daydreams of food....and food....and food...and food......and you get the picture.

"Hmmmm?" Sean asked, only half-paying attention to the smaller Hobbit.

"Well....I was wondering...do you remember those many colored tubes that Bryanna was eating earlier before Bill took her into the Old Forest?"

Still only half-paying attention to Frodo, Sean said: "Mmmmhhhmmmm....."

"Can I please try one?" Frodo asked, looking anxiously up at the taller Hobbit-boy.

"Sur--WHAT?! Do you even know what they are?!" Sean exclaimed, finally paying attention to what Frodo was saying. "Frodo, listen, you DON'T want to try those. Those are called Pixy Stix. Do you know what they are? They're PURE SUGAR."

Pippin, who had been asking Aragorn as many questions as he could per minute (he was still on his sugar high and was therefore acting as Bryanna-like as he possibly could, much to the older males' dismay--and much to Boromir's terror...). "Sugar? Did you say sugar? I want some sugar!! Can I have some sugar??"

"Noooo......." Sean moaned and slowly backed away from the Hobbit, never taking his eyes off of the much-smaller figure. It...it was like a miniature Bryanna!! How could he deal with TWO Bryannas in the world when he couldn't even deal with ONE?!

His internal torment was suddenly interrupted by...a horsey snort. Sean blinked and turned around. And, of course, his lips were pressed against Bill the pony's. Bill got stars in his eyes but Sean...well, let's just say that Sean wasn't too happy about this little 'accident.' (Neko-chan: BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! *snickers*)

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the Hobbit-boy screamed and quickly dug through Bryanna's back pack (or, as the Hobbits' called it, the pack of the back), looking for several gallons of mouthwash. He would have nightmares for the rest of his life!! That...that scene would probably traumatize him until he was in his middle-ages!!! Whimpering in terror, he continued to look through Bry's pack, occasionally throwing things out from behind himself. Food flew...PJs flew...pictures of Legolas flew...a cat flew (how the heck one of Bryanna's cat ended up in her backpack was a mystery to Sean...and he didn't have the time to contemplate it now!!)...books flew...mouthwash flew...wait, he needed that!

Sean quickly backpedaled away from the backpack, grabbed the mouthwash, and chugged it all down in one huge gulp. He shuddered and gave Bill his darkest look. "One of these days, one of the Hobbits in the Shire is going to need glue, and guess who'll be the candidate for that?"

But Bill the Happy Pony didn't hear. He was busy swooning next to Sam, Frodo's servant giving the pony odd looks every now and again. He couldn't figure out what was wrong with the poor equine--it seemed as if he was in love. But that couldn't possibly be true. The pony was probably sick or something similar to that. Bill the pony couldn't _possibly_ be in love with Mr. Sean!

"Are you quite finished?" Aragorn asked, sighing, as he looked back at Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Sean.

"Are you quite finished? Are you quite finished? ARE YOU QUITE FINISHED?!" Sean yelled, walking around in circles while he muttered to himself. "No, I am NOT quite finished!! I just got kissed by a horse--"

"Pony," Sam interrupted.

"Pony, for Pete's sack. Would YOU be quite finished if a horse--"

"Pony," Sam corrected yet again.

"Pony kissed you? No. So I am SO not finished!" And, with that, he picked up the second bottle of mouthwash and gulped it down. "I hate horses," Sean muttered to himself as he walked closer to Gimli, keeping a blue-green eye on the pony. There was NO way he was going to let the pony get close to him at any point of time on this time. No way. Nu-huh. Not gonna happen.

"Bill is a PONY," Sam said once again, interrupting his thoughts.

"Bill is neither a horse nor is he a pony. He's glue." And that was that.

* * *

The Ring Group had been wandering around the Old Forest for several hours, checking almost all of the places where they believed that Bryanna could be. They even checked the Withywindle valley, but she wasn't there. Old Man Willow seemed somewhat disgruntled, though...

They wandered around some more, until Merry finally asked, "What if Miss Bryanna had actually managed to find Tom Bombadil and she's with him in his house at this very minute? I mean, it could be a possibility."

Sean snorted. "Bryanna? Find Tom Bombadil? Never in a million years. Trust me on this. There is no possible way for Bryanna to find Tom Bombadil...ever. There is just no way. I'd sooner believe her winning Legolas's heart than her actually finding someone or something that she's been looking for."

At this prospect, Legolas went green and was torn between the urge of hiding up in a tree and never coming down and of continuing the quest that he promised he'd see through to as far as he was able. But, then again...he never knew that....SHE was coming along. "Quiet, Sean!" he hissed softly. "You know not of what you speak! Be wary of what you say...your words have more power than you believe."

Once again, Sean snorted. "The day that Bryanna gets you to fall for her Legolas, is the day that either the world ends, Hell freezes over, and she meets Tom Bombadil."

Just then, a familiar rhyme was heard through the trees. Several seconds later, a bobbing yellow hat was seen in the trees, followed closely by another prancing figure. And Bryanna was reunited with the Ring Group.

She grinned smugly to herself, pulled Tom's yellow hat more firmly down upon her ears, and looked at Gandalf's hat with a dark glint in her eyes. She had come up with the 'Middle-earth Hat Conspiracy' plan and had decided to sloooooooowly take over the hats of Middle-earth. Nothing could stop her! She was invincible!! She was unstoppable!!!!! And if Sauron decided to try and stop her...well, she'd take his hat, too.

"Everyone," she began cheerfully, "I'd like you to meet Tom Bombadil, Pimp Master Supreme." Tom stepped forward, grinning, and gave a shy bow.

Gandalf blinked and looked at Aragorn quizzically. "What is a Pimp Master?"

Aragorn shrugged. "I have decided never to ask the girl any type of question. I'll just become more confused with her answer."

Gimli nodded. "Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to have a physician check them when we finally come to a city. I mean...this isn't how they could REALLY act, could it?"

"She...she...she...found....Tom...Bomb...Bombadil..." Sean said, his eyes glazed over. "How did she do that? It...it...can't...be...possible." Two double 'Thuds!' were heard. Bryanna blinked and looked down at the unconscious Sean and the unconscious Legolas.

Shrugging, she sat down and began to braid the passed out Elf's hair, petting him on the head occasionally. "What got into them?" she asked as she took back her backpack, dug around in it, and began to dye Legolas's hair purple.

Sam winced. Somehow, he didn't think that the Elf was going to like his new 'look.' "They both realized at the same time that you should be careful of what you say, Miss Bryanna," he answered respectfully. The girl blinked and began to dye another section of his hair green.

Then she shrugged. "Oh, really? I thought that Sean had fainted 'cause he had found out that Bill is in love with him. But I guess not..."

It was Boromir's turn to blink. "That isn't possible," he commented.

The girl's eyebrow rose. "It isn't? Well, what if I told you that Bill has a crush on YOU."

The Steward's son paled. "Whaaaaaaat?!" Then he followed Sean and Legolas's footsteps and was conscious no more. Bryanna poked him then cackled evilly to herself. Bill looked at Boromir, sniffed, then snorted.

The red-headed teenager nodded. "I agree COMPLETELY. Who'd want to have a crush on him? Hmmm.....I wonder if he has a hat..."

  
  


A/N: Yesh.....chappie seven comes to a close! But...what waits in store for our 'heroes' in chapter eight? And who IS this strange new girl that has a Pippin and Merry obsession? 


	8. The Elf is Learning...u.u;;

The Day Middle-earth Stood Still

By: Neko-chan

A/N: Yesh, yesh!! The moment you have all been waiting for!!....more making fun of Hobbit-boy!

Sean: ¬.¬;;

Neko-chan: ^_______^ Actually, no. Lisa finally comes!! Everyone, I'd like you to meet the pervy Hobbit-fancier!

Lisa: WHAT?!

Sean: Now you know what it's like to be stuck with her throughout this whole entire story with no one else for her to pick on!!

Lisa: But...I'm not perverted!! Well, okay, maybe a LITTLE...

Sean: And well, Bill the Pony isn't supposed to be gay. But does that ever stop Neko-chan? Nope. It just means yet another obstacle for her to plow right on through...

Neko-chan: Ummm......you guys? This is MY story!!

Lisa: I mean, sure. I think that Gambit is hot and all, but I'm not perverted!! Oooo....whipped cream....*drools*

Sean: And now you're getting to be as bad as her!! I'm surrounded by hormonal teenage girls!!

Neko-chan: x.x;; Anyway, off...I mean ON with the show!

Sean: It's a story, not a show.

Neko-chan: *shrugs* Eh. Same difference.

  
  


Disclaimer: Neko-chan owns nothing. She is but a poor, poor student and doesn't even have a job. (*glares* Stupid people...they say that they want to hire people with more experience, but how can I get more experience if NO ONE wants to hire me?!) Well, actually, Neko-chan DOES own herself, but sometimes even THAT'S debatable. x.x;; Anywho, this chapter is gonna be full of SOME inside jokes, so I suggest you read I...You...Big by Lisa (Lizzy Hold) and Dominique (Firecracker) before or after this chappie! It's actually really funny! (Plus too, The Day Middle-earth Stood Still inspired it! *starry eyes* *_*)

I...You...Big; By Lizzy Hold and Firecracker: http://fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=710322

The Cheesy Horror Story Arc Part 3; By crazed spyromaniac: http://fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=6633787

  
  
  
  


Chapter Eight

It was a bright, sunny, and _glorious_ morning just outside the Old Forest. The birds were chirping happily, the sun twinkled in wonderful little light bursts, and Bryanna peeked a bleary eye out from underneath her blankets, squinting from all of the light shining directly into her eyes.

"If I ever find out where they're nesting, I'll strangle the little terrors," she growled and burrowed under her covers once again. If there was one thing that her friends could agree on, it was the fact that Bryanna was most definitely NOT a morning person. But it was no use--the light just shone through the cracks in her blankets.

Muttering curse words in several languages, the red-headed girl stuck her head out of the blankets once again...and spotted Legolas curled up underneath his blankets on the other side of the campfire.

"Oooooooo....." she said, grinning to herself as she inched closer and closer to his bedroll. Then... "LEGGIE-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!" she screamed as she pounced on the unsuspecting Elf...

...and landed on several pots and pans.

"Whaaaaaat?!" Bryanna exclaimed and yanked up the blankets, only to reveal even _more_ pots and pans. "Stupid Elf," the girl muttered to herself and started scanning the trees for her favorite Elf (though Glorfindel, Gildor, and Elrond came in at a close second, third, and fourth...).

Giving up on _that_ particular possibility when she couldn't find him (even his newly dyed purple and green hair blended in with the vegetation...), Bryanna scooted closer to Aragorn. "Strider-chaaaaaaaan," she said and poked him in the forehead.

He opened an eye. "What do you want?" the King of Gondor asked suspiciously.

"I'm hungry. I want food."

Aragorn closed his eyes in pain. Not _this_ again!!! "Well, what do you want to eat?"

"Food."

"What do you want?"

"Food."

"What...do...you...want?!"

"Foooooooood..."

"What......do......you......want?!"

"Foooooooooooooooooooooooooood..........."

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!"

"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, actually, I'm also in the mood for Girl Scout cookies."

Silence, absolute silence, until..."OH, MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!" a female voice screamed from above in the air. Abruptly, the rest of the Ring Group woke up, Legolas falling down onto his butt from his newly discovered hiding spot--a tree. ('No crazy fangirls could ever possibly find me up here!' he had reasoned to himself as he had begun to climb afore mentioned tree. What never occurred to him was the fact that a tree WOULD be the very first place that a fangirl would search...)

Then, with a _huge_ 'THUMP!' the new visitor landed on Merry and Pippin, squishing the two poor Hobbits. The girl groaned (along with Merry and Pippin), clutched her head (again with Merry and Pippin), and opened a chocolate brown eye. Gandalf and the rest of the older males blinked--she had bright blue hair and she was wearing a super hero-type outfit.

"LISA!!!" Bryanna screeched and launched herself at the blue-haired girl (who normally didn't _have_ blue hair, but now did for some reason). "LIIIIIIIISAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I'VE MISSED YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!"

The red-headed girl knocked into the blue-haired girl and Lisa fell over backwards. "Jeez, Bry, just knock me unconscious, won't you?"

"Lisa, just shut up for a minute!! Do you have _any idea_ where you are?!"

"Well, yeah. I'm in the Marvel Universe," Lisa replied, running her hands down her spandex and leather-clad body----which seemed to have more curves than normal. (Hmmm...guess a girl gets curvier when they go to the Marvel Universe. Gotta love those comic book artists. ^_~)

"Lisa.....you aren't in the Marvel Universe!! GUESS WHERE YOU ARE!!"

"Ummmm...." Lisa began slowly. "I mean, all I remember is one minute I'm all over Gambit and _almost_ convincing him to sleep with me and the next, I'm falling through the air! And if I wouldn't have been able to 'convince' Gambit it sleep with me--'cause Rogue IS a little scary when you piss her off--I could have started to 'convince' Bobby to sleep with me. And it wouldn't have been THAT hard to do, either... Anyway, where was I? Yeah... Falling through the air. I mean, the _least_ the author could have done was warn me. But noooooo...authors don't even have the decency to give you a heads up. I mean, really. What do they think they are?! GODS?! No, I do _not_ think so!"

Bryanna growled to herself, grabbed Lisa's bright blue hair, and moved her head so that she was staring _directly_ at Legolas. "Look! _YOU'RE IN MIDDLE-EARTH, LISA!!!_"

Lisa's eyes widened. "Wow....Bry, now I know what you were talking about when you went on and on about Legolas!! I mean, WOW! Elf Boy is such a _hottie_! Wanna share?"

The red-headed girl growled once again, let go of Lisa (and knocking her back once again), and launched herself at the afore mentioned Elf Boy. "MINE!!" she snarled and made her hold on Legolas's arm tighter. "Mine!" she growled for the third time, sounding exactly like a lioness guarding her prior claim to territory.

Lisa's glasses glinted. "Mine!" she snarled back as the two began to circle each other, testing the other in To-The-Death Fangirl Combat. (Which was BY FAR much more dangerous than Mortal Kombat, or any of those other wimpy little games.)

"Is this how all teenage females act back on 'Earth'?" Frodo asked as he stared at Bryanna and Lisa in misgiving. (And for good reason, too...)

"Oh, no," Sean replied. "You should see them when they're _serious_!"

Gandalf's jaw dropped. "You mean that they aren't serious right now?!"

Sean shook his head, his floppy brown hair flying everywhere. "Nope. Right now, they're just messing around. They get REALLY scary when they're actually fighting over someone or other. You should see them fight over who's the cutest: this ugly guy from In A Heartbeat, Heath Ledger, that dude who plays the new Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars, or Eric Von Detton." Suddenly, Sean shuddered. "And you did NOT want to see Bry when she found out that LotR didn't win Best Picture AND Orlando Bloom didn't get nominated for Best Actor. It was like Ground Zero for a nuclear explosion..."

Silence...

The others blinked and once again directed their attention to Bryanna and Lisa... Bry had a comic book (Xtreme X-Men) out and Lisa was staring at it, drooling, with her eyes glazed over. "Soooo...." Bryanna began to ask, "Who gets Leggie-chan?"

"Youuuuuu......." Lisa answered. "Now can I have that comic book?!"

Bryanna tossed the comic book at her, which Lisa snatched greedily, and returned to her Elf Scouting. Lisa wandered off, her eyes still glued to the comic book, and accidently sat on Merry and Pippin once again.

"Ummm.....excuse me, Miss, but you're sitting on us," Merry ventured from underneath Lisa. The girl blinked and looked down. Then...

"IT'S THE OLSEN TWINS!!!!!" came the high-pitched shriek. Legolas winced. Were all girls from this 'Earth' this high-pitched? If so, he didn't think that his poor, poor ears could take that much abuse! After all, he was barely surviving the red-headed girl!! How could he survive a whole planet full of them?!

Sean winced while Frodo, Sam, Gimli, and Legolas plugged their ears. "Why is she calling Merry and Pippin the Olsen twins?" Frodo asked Bryanna when she wandered closer, hoping to hug her favorite Elf. Bryanna blinked.

"Hmmm? Oh, because in the movie, Merry and Pippin look somewhat alike. I guess they look alike in the book, too. So, Lisa decided to nickname Merry and Pippin the Olsen twins. She likes Sam, too, and I want to know what she nicknamed him. Probably something weird. I guess that's what happens when you're some pervy Hobbit-fancier."

Lisa glared and stood up. "Who are you calling a pervy Hobbit-fancier?! _I'm_ not the one who wants to start an Elf harem!!" Bryanna sniffed delicately and continued to edge closer to Legolas. "And, speaking of Hobbits..." Lisa continued as she eyed Sam with interest, "I have a question that I've been meaning to ask Mr. Gamgee over here. So, are you shopping the dark side with Frodo?"

"LISA!!" Bryanna yelled and threw one of her shoes at the blue-haired girl. "You can't ask things like THAT!! Haven't you ever heard of _privacy_??"

Sam looked puzzled and turned to Frodo. "Mr. Frodo, what does Miss Lisa mean when she says 'shopping the dark side'? Were we supposed to go shopping?" 

"Well, I wouldn't be talking!! Remember, you're the Legolas stalker!!" Hearing this, Legolas looked alarmed and began to edge _away_ from Bryanna. "Besides, it's a fair question. He tells Frodo that he loves him several times throughout the book. Sooooo.....are you shaggin' with Frodo, Sam?"

  
  


A/N: IS Sam shaggin' with Frodo and Sam? What's the deal with Lisa's chest slooooowly deflating? *snickers* And....*blinks*....what's the weird smell?! 


	9. Stinky Men-Folk

The Day Middle-earth Stood Still

By: Neko-chan

A/N: Well...here's chapter nine! I hope you guys enjoy it!

Sean: *blinks* What? No making fun of Lisa and me?

Lisa: *ish speechless*

Neko-chan: Hmmmm? What? Can't I go a whole chapter without mocking you in the author's note?

Lisa and Sean: No.

Sean: You're up to something.

Neko-chan: *innocent grin* Well, it looks like you're gonna have to wait until the next chapter to see 'what I'm up to.' Heh heh heh...

Sean: *ish worried*

Lisa: *pulls a Sean and edges away from the hyper active Elf-obsessed cat-girl*

Neko-chan: D

  
  
  
  


Chapter Nine

"Lisa, that's so mean!! You should let the cute lil' Hobbits have their privacy! I mean, so what if Sam doesn't want to say whether or not he and Frodo are shaggin' together? He has that right as a citizen of Hobbiton! You're just being a busybody," Bryanna stated matter-of-factly as she glared at her friend.

"Actually..." came a soft voice. All of the members of the Ring Group blinked and turned around--it had been Sam that had spoken. Again: "Actually...Frodo and I..." At that exact moment, a wolf howled and the others couldn't hear Sam finish the rest of his sentence. (Well, Legolas did--those Elf ears ARE pretty sharp--but he would never admit to what he heard, not even in a torture chamber; not even when he was presented with 200 Bryanna clones! That time, he DID come close to cracking, but he didn't! He remained strong!!)

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Lisa screamed in agony and fell to her knees in front of the shorter Hobbit. "Could you _please_ repeat that? PLEASE?" Sam did so; only this time, instead of a wolf howl, a tree fell down in the woods a short distance from where they were standing. "Nooooooo," the blue-haired girl moaned. "Please say it again...this time, only louder..." 

Sighing to himself, Sam did so. "Actually, Miss Lisa, Frodo and I..."

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A lightning bolt flashed across the sky and filled the air with its thunder. The Ring Group's members jumped in surprise. Looked as if a certain deity (probably one of the Valar) didn't want readers to know what WAS the truth between Frodo and Sam. So that must have meant...*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!* [We interrupt your fic to bring you this emergency broadcast test. This is only a test. Thank you.]

"Enough of this already!" Gandalf said, rubbing his forehead in pain. Each day, ever since Bryanna and the Hobbit-like boy joined their quest, he'd been getting headaches. Each day's headache began earlier and earlier. What did he do to deserve such pain? Well, there WAS that one time...but he didn't want to bring THAT up. Bad luck, you know. "Come. The day is not getting any longer and we have many miles to put between us and this spot by nightfall. And if we don't cover enough ground during the day, then we WILL walk deep into the night."

Sean paused. If they walked into the night, then that meant that he would be getting any dinner! He gasped in horror, which was quickly followed by the other Hobbits. The same thought had gone through their minds, also. Before Gandalf or Aragorn could say another word, the Hobbits quickly ran around the campsite, gathering their gear and becoming ready in record time. Pippin and Merry barely managed to avoid colliding with each other several times.

"Wow. That was fast. I'm impressed," Lisa commented as she blinked in awe.

"We're done!" chirped Frodo as the four Hobbits (well, five if you include Sean) stood in a straight line. "Let's get marching! As you said, Gandalf, the day isn't getting any longer!" The Hobbits smiled brightly and set off...in the wrong direction.

"You do realize that you're going in the wrong direction," Aragorn called out. Without missing a beat, Frodo, Sam, Pippin, Merry, and Sean turned on their heels and began marching in the opposite direction. Luckily, this time, they were going in the _right_ direction.

Shaking their heads in exasperation, the others followed, Lisa and Bryanna breaking into random songs....much to Sean's dismay, a lot of the songs that they sang were from either Backstreet Boys or *NSYNC, though the girls _did_ occasionally sing a different song... ("I'm super girl and I'm here to save the world...")

  
  


"So you were really in the Marvel Universe before you came here?" Bryanna asked Lisa as the two lagged behind the others. THAT explained why she was dressed up like a (tacky) superhero. Not that she would ever tell Lisa that, of course. One, Lisa was one of her good friends. And two...well, let's just say that Lisa had a great right hook. Though Bry DID think that the bright yellow cape with the words 'Dot Com' on it WAS a bit much...

"Yup! It was great. There was Bobby and Gambit...oh, and Logan, but who really cares about him?...and then there was the training room. But Bubbles screwed up our first practice session. He transformed into Fish Boy at the wrong moment," the blue-haired girl answered cordially.

Bryanna blinked and opened her mouth to say something, thought twice about it, and closed her mouth wisely. And whoever said that she never got any smarter? Looking to the front of the duo, she noticed that Pippin and Merry kept on looking back at them. Following their gaze, Bry suddenly snorted. "Lisa...I think that your balloons are deflating."

"What?" Lisa exclaimed. She looked down to where Bry's finger was pointing...and found out that she would be having to wear something over her superhero outfit, due to the fact that it was now baggy in areas that weren't _previously_ baggy and sagged where it didn't _previously_ sag. "Bryanna?" Lisa asked in a small voice. "Can I borrow some clothes?"

Laughing evilly to herself, Bryanna rummaged through her backpack and tossed a shirt to Lisa. Muttering to herself about evil authors and their sadistic tendencies to mess with their characters ("Damn you, Neko-chan!!!" was Lisa's exact words), the blue-haired girl pulled on the shirt. Distinctly, she and Bry could hear Merry and Pippin sigh in disappointment.

A little bit later...

The two girls were still walking behind the others, until Bryanna suddenly stopped and sniffed the air. "Hey, Lisa...do you smell that? It smells like rancid eggs..."

Lisa paused and sniffed the air, also. "Hey! You're right! Only...it doesn't smell like rancid eggs. More like ten year-old garbage..."

Curious to see where the disgusting smell was coming from, Lisa and Bryanna edged closer to the Ring Group. And stepped back, gagging, when the stench assaulted them. "BECH!" Bryanna gagged. "It's coming from the men-folk!!! I had read somewhere in a science magazine that men sweat more than women, but I didn't believe it until now!! They REEK!"

All Lisa could do in answer was hold her breath, cover her nose, and nod repeatedly.

Mumbling to herself about stinky men-folk, Bryanna dug around in her backpack until she found what she was looking for: a map of Middle-earth, body spray, shower gel, and shampoo and conditioner. "Yes! I found it! Now, according to the map, there's a little bit of wood that's filled with hot springs somewhere around here. Now, for the personal hygieneness of us all, I demand that you all take a bath."

Gimli paused, raised an arm, and breathed in the putrid smell coming from under his arms. "Smell? What smell are ye lasses talking about?"

"I smell no stench!" Boromir agreed, also taking a whiff from under his own smelly arm. One by one, the other men-folk agreed.

Lisa stared at them in horror. "Bryanna, does this mean that this is a constant state for them. That they smell like this all of the time and so they don't know when they reek?!" All Bryanna could do was nod mutely in extreme horror and shock. Now she REALLY didn't know if she wanted to continue on the journey. Elves or no--a person could _die_ from the smell coming off of the guys.

So, after much wheedling and threatening, the two girls finally got the guys to agree to take a bath. (Thank GOD!! *does a dance of rejoicement*) Each male went to their own personal hot spring, except for Sean, who didn't smell at all. (But, just in case he was going to get smelly within the next several hours, Bryanna sprayed him several hundred times with her body spray. He now smelled like Tiger Lily.) 

Unknown to the two girls, Sean didn't care about the fact that he now smelled worse than a flower shop. Gimli was distracted so he could steal all of the Dwarf's underwear that he wanted! Gimli underwear shrines, here he comes! Now, after he stole all of Gimli's underwear, then the Hobbit-like boy would have to begin thinking up pamphlets to hand out. He HAD to spread the wonders of the Dwarf-worshiping religion! He had to!

"Aw, dang it," Bryanna muttered to herself when she spotted the body shower gel and shampoo that Gimli and Boromir (the smelliest of the lot...) had forgotten. "I'll be right back!" she called to Lisa, then picked up the things and went off in search of the Dwarf and the Man.

~Five Minutes Later...~

"Lisa...." Bryanna mumbled when she stumbled into the clearing, her eyes glazed over. "Lisa... I... I.... I........." Suddenly, she tipped over and passed out, a dreamy look on her face.

The blue-haired girl (who was no longer blue-haired because the author ALSO sent her back to her natural hair color, which was a dark brown that matched the color of her eyes) blinked and looked down at the red-headed girl. Suddenly, she laughed. She _knew_ what was wrong with Bryanna--she had seen it happen many times with Dominique when her friend spotted Wolverine. Sean blinked also and looked down at the unconscious girl in befuddlement. "What's wrong with her?" he asked suspiciously.

Before Lisa could answer, a dripping wet, towel-clad, practically nekkid Elf came running into the clearing, fire in his eyes. "Where is she?!" Legolas yelled, a bow and arrow knocked and ready in his hands. Mutely, Lisa pointed to the passed-out Bryanna. "Oh."

* * *

"Are you sure you have to go?" Bryanna (who had finally woken up, taken one look at Legolas, then promptly passed out for the second time) asked, hugging Lisa and practically in tears. "'Cause I would _love_ it if you could stay! We could sing songs, annoy the men-folk, talk about the men-folk behind their backs, watch nekkid Elves take bathes (at this, Legolas blanched in horror), and all of that good stuff! Can't you stay for just a LITTLE bit longer? Pleeeeeease Lisa?"

Also almost in tears, Lisa hugged the insane red-head back. "No, I'm sorry Bry!! I can't stay any longer!! I have to get back to the Marvel Universe before anyone tries to move in on my man--though, he isn't _technically_ my man since Rogue called 'im first...but still! And I had a lot of fun, though!"

The two separated, hugged each other again, separated, hugged each other for the third time, then separated once again.

"Do all women act like this in your world?" Aragorn asked Sean as they watched as this whole procedure was repeated once again--for the 5,302 time.

"Basically," Sean answered, sighing. Then, before Lisa could leave Middle-earth permanently, Sean tapped her on the shoulder, shoved a pamphlet in her hands, and waved good-bye.

"Wha--? The Ultimate Relgion: Worship of Gimli...? What is this?!" was all Lisa managed to say before she vanished into a big flash of light and a puff of smoke.

"Well, it looks like we managed to get rid of one fangirl. Now just one more to go," Sean commented.

"Do you have any ideas on how we would go about this?" Aragorn asked Sean in interest. He would have done _anything_ to get rid of Bryanna. Anything at all...

One by one, the rest of the Ring Group left, leaving Bryanna alone, staring off into space. Suddenly, she blinked and focused her attention on the others once again...only problem was, the others had left her. "Guys? Guys...? GUYS?!"

  
  


TBC...


	10. Up, Down, and All Around

The Day Middle-earth Stood Still

By: Neko-chan  
  


[First, before I write the author's note and the new chapter, I'd like to apologize. I'm SO sorry it took this long to update "The Day Middle-earth Stood Still." Believe me, I didn't want that to happen! It's just that I had an AP US History paper due--a paper on whether or not I am good enough to take AP US History; also, I got a job. x.x;; Scary, isn't it? Anyway, I'm a concessionist for a movie theater...and that means a LOT of hours. So PLEASE bear with me and realize that I'm trying to update ALL of my stuff! (Yes, you heard me right. EVERYTHING.) Thank you all for being so patient and I want to once again thank all of my readers. *MWAH* You're all amazing. ^.~ So, before you decide to lynch my boss for my hours (or me, for that matter...x.x;;...), on with the chapter!)  
  


A/N: :-X

Sean: What's wrong with you?

Neko-chan: x.x;;..........Someone made a fan club about you.

Sean: *blinks* Really? *preens*

Neko-chan: x.x;;

Sean: That is soooo cool! I totally deserve a fan club! 

Neko-chan: *glares* Well, I'm sure some of my readers will start a fan club about ME! ;P Sooooo......is anyone planning on starting a fan club about me, The-All-Seeing-All-Knowing-

All Powerful Bryanna? *eyelash bat*

Sean: *snorts* Who'd start a fan club about YOU?!

Neko-chan: ¬.¬;; *tosses Sean into the Bottomless Pit*  
  
  
  


Chapter Ten  
  


Bryanna stared off into the mountains, a look of intense concentration on her face, but still somehow or other managing to chew idly on a Pixy Stix. Suddenly, a devilish grin passed over her face as her eyes crinkled in unholy amusement. "Sean isn't going to like this at all...not at all..."

And, speaking of Sean (and the rest of the Ring Group...), Bryanna finally noticed that they had disappeared. Not on purpose, though. After all, why would they leave her? She was _vital_ to the journey...though if Boromir and Gimli continued to smell as bad as they had, Bryanna was sure to be killed not by orcs or goblins and the like, but by the putrid stench emitted by the men-folk. (Except Legolas, of course. After all, how could such a gorgeous creature such as he smell as bad as the rest did? It was impossible!)

Nodding to herself in a final way, Bryanna made off in a random direction, hoping that it would eventually lead her to the others, not knowing that the others hoped that she was lost...permanently.

* * *

"Do you think we actually managed to lose her this time?" Aragorn whispered as he and the Ring Group (now called the Fellowship since Bry wasn't there...) crept as silently as possible through the underbrush.

"Maybe...maybe we did..." Boromir whispered back, his eyes flickering back and forth like a cornered rabbit. He shuddered--he hoped to whatever Valar were listening that they had finally managed to lose the female teenager. She was exactly like Gengis Khan--only taller, female, more cunning, more evil, more merciless...but still as unattractive.

Legolas, who was in the middle of the group (he felt safer that way from unexpected fangirl attacks), suddenly paused. A look of terror flittered across his face and he gasped.

"What's wrong, Legolas?" Merry asked, gazing up at the much-taller Elf.

"We're being hunted," the blonde Elf replied softly, his eyes darting from side to side as Boromir's were.

"Goblins?" Frodo asked, just as softly.

"No."

"Trolls?" Sam suggested.

"Think again."

"Orcs?" Gandalf asked as a feeling of foreboding came over him.

"No...scarier..."

"Sauron?" Aragorn asked, knowing what the answer would be.

"Worse...much, much worse..." Legolas answered. Boromir whimpered in terror and tried to find behind a tree. Too bad the tree he had chosen to hide behind was just a little sapling. Another whimper escaped his throat as he waited for the attack. He didn't have to wait long.

"LEGGIE-CHAN!!!!" once again the Ring Group winced at the fangirl squeal. Aragorn paused, and thought for a minute: What would happen if she sicced Bryanna on Sauron? He shuddered. Even _he_ wouldn't wish that on the Ring Lord.

Bryanna launced from the trees above and latched herself firmly on Legolas' arm. "I missed you so much, Leggie-chan!" she squealed as she beamed happily as him. Legolas winced once again at the decibels she was able to achieve. He suddenly brightened as a though occurred to him: Maybe she would burst his eardrums and he wouldn't have to deal with all of her squealing and giggling anymore! He deflated just as sudden: He would still have to deal with her sneaking peeks at him as he dressed and bathed.

"Where did you guys go?" Bryanna continued. "I turned around and you guys were gone! It was almost as if you were trying to leave me! But I know that you would never do that!"

"Of course we wouldn't!" Pippin chirped. "After all, how could we leave a fellow comrade behind?" He smiled widely at her. "Say, you wouldn't have anymore of those Pixy Stixs, would you?"

Bryanna returned his grin. "Of course I do, silly!" Taking her backpack off her shoulders (but still not relinquishing her hold on Legolas' arm), Bry rummaged around in it, finally bringing out four five foot-long Pixy Stixs for Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin. "Here you go. Share the wealth."

The Hobbits cheered and Boromir's whimpers grew louder.

"Do _I_ get anything?" Sean asked hopefully. Now that Bryanna had one of her several members of her Elf Harem returned to her, she would probably be in an excellent mood for a while.

The red-headed girl turned her attention to Sean and beamed happily. "Of _course_ you get something, Sean! You baka. You get Bill's undying love," she said sweetly as Bill stared at Sean with moon-struck eyes. Sean turned white and edged away from the pony. With his luck, it'd try something horrible. Like kissing him again...or worse. Hobbit-boy shuddered in horror.

Gandalf watched the Ring Group's antics and sighed unhappily. It seemed as if things had returned to their usual disorder. He and Aragorn exchanged a Look and each heaved heartfelt sighs. Hopefully, they wouldn't have to deal with the teenagers for much longer. After all, Sauron and Saruman had orcs, goblins, trolls, Nazgul, and other dark and deadly creatures on their side. The side of good had two teenagers on theirs. Obviously, it was clear who would win. The Ring Lord and Saruman didn't stand a chance.  
  


It was a long time later, and many days had passed without event. Even Bryanna and Sean weren't acting weirder than usual--a huge hurdle for them to pass! They were camped out at Redhorn Gate, Bryanna sprawled all over a rock, watching the others. Sean was playing a game of chance that the Hobbits had taught him...and was losing sorely. One by one, all of the pairs of underwear he had stolen from Gimli were disappearing into Frodo and Sam's winnings. Pippin and Merry were practicing weaponry with Boromir (Bryanna snickered every time they aimed for the poor giant's legs and he was unable to block), while Aragorn looked on in supervision.

"Hey, Gandalf..." the girl began as she rolled onto her stomach and stared at the old man from underneath her eyelashes, looking the epitome picture of innocence. "How does a person learn magic?"

Gandalf blanched; Legolas, who was listening, turned stark white. "Wh-Why would you want to know a thing like that?" he asked her, feeling as if he had swallowed his tongue.

"Oh, no reason. I'm just curious, is all. So, how does a person learn magic? Does a wizard teach them? Have you ever had a student? Would you _want_ one?" All of this was said with Bryanna's most innocent of expressions. Legolas turned even whiter.

"Oh, no. No. Absolutely not," Gandalf roared. "You're deadly enough as it is! You don't need to learn magic! Ye gods, just imagine how it'd be if I set you lose upon this world with magical capabilities. Nothing would ever be safe again. Especially handsome Elves."

The red-head batted her eyelashes. In the background, she could hear Sean curse as he lost yet another pair of Gimli's underwear. "Well..." she began. "Aren't wizards _supposed_ to shake things up? After all, a wizard's job is to make sure no one grows too complacent with their lot in life. Remember with what you did to Bilbo Baggins? I'm just trying to follow in your footsteps. A protégé, so to speak." 

From behind the girl, Legolas rapidly shook his head at Gandalf, mouthing "NO!" desperately. The _last_ thing he wanted was the fangirl to have magic! She'd tie him to her forever! He'd never see Mirkwood again...never do _anything_ ever again...except look pretty for her, that is.

"Well..." Gandalf began, gnawing thoughtfully on his long beard. "Maybe...since you put it _that_ way.... I'll consider it."

Before Bryanna could say anything in reply to _that_ (after all, who'd have thought that Gandalf would even consider her as a student?!), Legolas suddenly cried out: "Spies! Hide! They are the eyes of Saruman!"

At once, everyone quickly ducked under either a bush or rock overhang...everyone except for Bry, that is. It was too late and she knew that the birds had seen her. So, she did what any sensible female would do. She acted stupid.

The flock flew overhead, closely examining the ground for traces of a larger group. They circled the hill several times, until a huge black crow landed on the ground several feet away from the red-headed girl.

"Hello," Bryanna chirped as she smiled her stupidest grin at the creature. "It's nice to finally have some company. Me mum and da are dead and me brothers left me to die on a road some many miles from here. But I proved them wrong, I did! I'll prove that I can survive on me own, using only me own wits about meself. I'm headed toward Anfalas. What about you, little beastie? Where are you going? Wait one minute! Ye don't have a name, do ye?" Bryanna paused, 'thinking.' Suddenly, she grinned. "I know! I'll call ye Blackie." 

The bird swayed on its feet, as if dazed by the stupidity Bryanna showed. It took flight once it got over its shock and made its way from Bryanna as fast as its wings could flap.

"Wait! Don't ye be leavin' me, too, Blackie! Come on back, ye little beastie!" Bryanna called, brining tears to her eyes. All too soon, the flock of birds was gone from sight.

Slowly, one by one, the others emerged from their hiding spots. They stared at Bryanna. It had been yet another of her facets...one they hoped to never see ever again.

"That...that was disturbing," Boromir murmured as he shuddered at the memory of Bryanna's stupidity-glazed eyes. It was as if she had been possessed by a ghost or a demon or something!

"How did you do that?" Aragorn demanded as Bryanna brought out a grape Pixy Stix and began to eat it. "I have never seen the like of it before!"

"That was cool!" added Pippin, using some of the vocabulary the Hobbits had began to pick up from Sean and Bryanna. Sean just rolled his eyes and stole back Gimli's underwear that the Hobbits had won when their attention was riveted on the girl. He understood what they did not: Bryanna was female. It explained _everything._

"So, where to now?" he asked with a sinking feeling. He _knew_ where they were headed...but it didn't hurt to hope otherwise, now did it?

Gandalf and Aragorn turned to look at the mountain range towering above them. Once again, Gandalf and Aragorn shared a Look when they thought that no one else was looking. "There," Gandalf said, his voice suddenly deeper as he pointed to a particular mountain. "We go to Caradhras."

Sean hung his head, disappointed. What was the point of hoping when they were always slashed to pieces? Bryanna snorted. "_You_ may be going up that huge-ass mountain, but _I_ am not," she retorted. "I'll just wait right here until you all have come to your senses and come back down. I am _not_ moving from this spot. So there."  
  


"I hate Men, Elves, Hobbits, Dwarves, and Wizards," Bryanna grumbled from her position over Boromir's shoulder. She glared down at the others that were making their way behind Legolas, Aragorn, and Boromir, giving each her second-best glare. "Stupid, traitorous, treacherous males. HEY!" she suddenly yelled. "Be careful where you put that hand of yours, buddy."

Boromir growled in frustration, finally having enough. "LEGOLAS!" he bellowed. "Come and take this annoying female from me. At least she won't complain if you accidently grope her." A thump on the Steward's son's head was his answer from his passenger.

"Well, we wouldn't be _having_ this problem if you had just let me stay where I was, now would we?" was the sarcastic retort. "Now let me down before I kick the crap out of you when you release me. Remember last time, B-man?"

Finally Boromir did as Bryanna bade, tossing her over his shoulder and dumping her on her behind. "Happy now?" he asked with a raised eyebrow and a glower.

The girl smiled primly, dusted snow from herself, and said, "Yes, I am. Thank you very much. I'll see you all at the bottom." Then, with a pitying look at Sean, she made her way regally down the mountainside.  
  


A long while later, Bryanna looked up as a dirty and disheveled Ring Group made its way down Caradhras, looking the worse for the wear. Each was dripping melted snow, looked as if they hadn't slept in weeks, and as if they hadn't gotten near a warm fire in years.

Bryanna raised an eyebrow, smiled smugly, and said: "I told you so." Then she continued reading her book as the males dropped to the ground around her, scooting as close to the fire as possible.

Several hours later, when the others were properly thawed out and fed, Bryanna made her way to Gandalf's side, once again avoiding a Hobbit (and Sean) feeding frenzy over Krispy Kremes. "So, since we couldn't go over Caradhras, which route do we take?" she asked, gazing up at the stars. Some of the constellations were similar to those back on Earth--there was the Scorpion, her own zodiac sign, rising high above them in the heavens.

Gandalf was quiet for a long time. Finally, he answered her: "We go through the mines of Moria."

Abruptly, Bryanna sat up and stared at him open-mouthed. "WHAT?! I had forgotten that... Anyway, scratch that, I'd rather face Caradhras _any_ day than go through the mines of Moria."

"It is too late," Gandalf told her softly. "It is already decided. We leave at dawn."

Sean and Bryanna looked at each other, their eyes wide. _They_ knew what awaited them in the mines. After all, Mr. Wagner had made his Sci Fi class read Lord of the Rings in class. They knew what would happen--and they didn't like it one bit, not one bit.

As one, they howled. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"  
  


A/N: And so ends yet another chapter, fair readers. What will happen to Sean and Bryanna and the Ring Group in the mines of Moria? Will the two teenagers survive? Will Bryanna ever stop picking on poor, poor Boromir?? ...probably not. And what other surprises will await them when the group finally manages to travel to Lothlorien? It seems as if Bryanna is hiding more information that she knows...


End file.
